WILD THOUGHTS : BOOK 2

Chapter 37

Tyquez got off early because he didn't mean it when he didn't give Jordan her phone back. He was just upset.

Tyquez walks into the house and goes upstairs to see Jordan packing.

"Why are you here?", asked Jordan.

"I'm sorry about keeping your phone and purse. I just got mad about what you said, I'm mad about you leaving, and I don't want you to go", said Tyquez as he got to his knees and held her. "I'll do better. I'll be better. That's what therapy is for. We working on becoming better. We can go to therapy more often. Just please I wanna work on this. You haven't given us a chance to work on trust."

Jordan stood there. She could hear Tyquez sniff but she couldn't see his face because it was buried into her thigh.

"...I've made my mind up. Now let me go...physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually...let me go", said Jordan as teared up. "It has been more than 5 years... and if you can't find that trust in me within five years when I have shown you nothing but loyalty, it's a problem."

"No. I'm not letting you go", said Tyquez.

Jordan sighs and that sigh causes her to start crying.

"Why don't you trust me?", she cried. "I do everything there is to do to show my loyalty, why don't you trust me?"

"I'm sorry", said Tyquez. "I will never lack trust in you again just please", he said before looking up at her. He had tears coming from his eyes. "Please don't leave me. I've been through some tough times and you're the first girl to get me through tough times with your love. You're a great woman"

Jordan looks up at the ceiling and wipes her tears.

"You're not a pushover. You're a strong woman with a big heart. And as far as sex, sex is great but sex is the last thing on the list of reasons why I love you", said Tyquez.

"I'm not going to go to a hotel...I don't want Marcus and especially Alexis to be living in a hotel room until I find an apartment. So...I'll stay here until I get one...but we're done Ty. We're done.", said Jordan. "I've seen your true colors one too many times and well...I don't like it."

Tyquez stands up.

"Just let me be. I know you're a fighter but...don't fight for me", she said softly. "We both tend to fight for what we want and well I want this...I wanna break up. So I'm not putting my foot out even if you do decide and truly decide to trust me because, at the end of the day, I was the woman you wanted to marry. Not the sneaky leak anymore. I am the mother of your children too."

"If a woman or man came up to you and said I got someone pregnant, would you or would you not be curious?", asked Tyquez.

"That's different. See, a man doesn't know if he gets a woman pregnant unless she tells him and gets a DNA test. But a woman knows it is a possibility that she has options on who the father is.  I did not have options, I only had the man who helped me get out of a bad situation, even almost died twice because of me, and through all of that, he doesn't trust me? Why are you holding on to me??"

"Because of love you", said Tyquez.

"No.. no that isn't it", said Jordan. "It's something else."

"Like what?", asked Tyquez.

"I don't know. that's what I want to figure out", said Jordan. "Because it ain't love. If it's love... It isn't the same love that I have for you."

"...aren't you the one who never wanted to get married because you were not sure about us?", asked Tyquez.

 "I was always sure about us... I just... I thought that marriage bring out the worst in someone. That's what PSTD does to you", said Jordan.

"But even you said it wasn't all bad with your ex. You had good moments", said Tyquez.

"They didn't outweigh the bad. Think about it... you have dreams and desires but you can't fulfill them because your partner is not on the same page. Think about having to watch your partner crawl into a corner and shiver because they are so depressed...It makes you depressed... It makes you weak to see them weak but yet you have to be the strong one because the both of you can't throw your life away. Think about being the topic of the decision by family and friends because they know what you have to deal with and they either feel sorry or think you're stupid for staying... yes marriage is about sticking with someone's side through sickness and health. But when their sickness is making you sick, it's no longer a marriage... it's just plain ole hell. Me not wanting to marry you wasn't because I didn't see a future with you...It was because I did want to have a piece of paper and a ring weighing over my head again. When I get with you, I felt free. Freer than I ever had. When I was with my ex I felt chained up and I didn't want that feeling again.", said Jordan.

"So why did you agree for us to finally get married?", asked Tyquez.

"Because I love you and because you're strong. I don't mean just physically, but mentally and emotionally.", said Jordan. "Was I still scared to say yes? of course. But this time I was sure I was marrying the right person because I didn't rush. But then you cheated and I know I forgave you but... It made me wonder if I was the right person for you."

"You're perfect for me", said Tyquez. "I'm just an asshole that needs to get his shit together. Like you said you've seen my true colors come out from time to time and you don't like it. I've been trying to be everything but your ex and well...I'm not that picture-perfect but you know that by now. I can be ignorant, controlling, and egotistical... you name it... but I've been trying to change that for you because I've heard you express concerns about those things, you gotta give me a chance. It doesn't happen overnight."

"I know... I just hope that your next enjoys the man you become", said Jordan before she walked out of the room.

TO BE CONTINUED...