Until Then

Chapter 32 ~ By the River

Slumping down on the riverbank seemed much better in theory than reality as the pair lowered onto the ground. The splashes from the river made the grass damp and slightly muddy but when Sasuke saw the pink haired woman sit down, he followed without question.

Before she could slide, Sakura brought her knees up to her chest to provide more stability.

"I know I shouldn't complain." She started, watching Sasuke shift in an attempt of seeking comfort from the cold soil. "I don't have a lot to complain about, so it seems a bit silly to talk about this."

Her arms draped over her knees, pulling her legs closer. "I think, well I am, not doing as good as I thought. There is a lot on my mind."

His gaze fixated on her, offering undivided attention. Sakura had always been so calm and understanding with him, allowing space and patience in his mannerisms of sharing. He would do the same towards her.

"I usually manage stress really well, but it doesn't appear to be that way anymore."

"Did something happen?"

Sakura looked ahead at the rippling river flow as she searched her words. "It feels like so much did. But maybe I'm just not processing it correctly. I need to learn to be better at that so it won't continue crashing on me as if it's something so big."

"You don't have to downplay how you feel." He said gently. "And you don't always have to push yourself too far."

Sakura was someone who didn't complain when things became difficult, instead she endured it until she found a method through. It was her strength and weakness because that also meant she often took on more she should but didn't stop until it was done.

"I'm trying not to. Well at least now. There's this knot in my stomach, and it sometimes comes back to me in waves and I think I should be doing more. So I do, but then it feels as though I'm doing it as self fulfillment or something. That makes me selfish, doesn't it?"

"Is there such a thing? You're always looking out for others, because you want to, not because you're obligated."

"Well, as a doctor I am somewhat 'obligated'." Sakura added in an attempt of lightening the seriousness. It didn't seem to be met as well as she'd hoped as Sasuke looked deeper in thought. She was downplaying it again, wasn't she?

"A couple days ago one of my patients didn't make it. I'd only met her once, and it had been in the theater room. I've dealt with death in my job before, but somehow this particular one affected me more than usual.

I had found out her name meant long-lasting. Bittersweet irony, right?"

Sasuke observed her as she spoke, appearing more distant as she stared off. He didn't want to diminish her feelings by saying it would be okay. That seemed futile and wavering of her abilities. "Sakura, you're allowed to mourn without being guilty or blaming yourself for something that couldn't be controlled."

"But there are other things I could've controlled. I don't mean to lament on, but I can't help thinking that way."

"I've seen you at work, you're in your element. If anyone knows that, it's you. I don't doubt you give everything your all."

She peered down at her hands. The sides of her fingers were aching from exertion, but they were proof of her efforts. She did give it her all, but sometimes it turned out that just wasn't going to cut it. Even though efforts didn't turn out the course she'd hoped for, didn't mean it was all in vain. She'd need to work on accepting that.

"Thank you, Sasuke." She truly meant it. He helped alleviate some of her tension, and comfort her in his own way. He was sitting next to her on a muddy riverbank and showing her she didn't have to go through her hard days alone. He arrived like a bright gleaming moon that shone past the clouds on an otherwise dark and empty night.