Anchor [BxB]

Fuck

Fuck. F-U-C-K. Such a simple word with simple use and meaning...but is it really that simple?

Fuck is what you say when you mess up a word on the paper that you happen to be writing on with an ink pen. Fuck is the term you use when you don't want more than what you have with someone, but also nothing less.

But for me it's different.

You see, fuck is not just a word but a feeling. Fuck is the empty pit in your stomach, the shiver up your spine, that feeling of dread, that spreads from your head to your toes. Fuck is fear.

Fuck, is the feeling of lust and pleasure that clouds your mind when you're having an intense, intimate moment. The good feeling in your body, the tense sensation, the curl to your toes and the moan that flies out your lips until finally it is all released.

Fuck. This is the feeling of pain. Deep in your mind, way down in your soul, that claws at you until you can't take it anymore. The constant feeling of sickness and suffering due to broken hearts and memories. Minds filled with lies, we live with lost time, we come and we go.

Maybe fuck is all we need and get to know.

Fuck me.

Fuck you.

- Sea

This world, hell, this life...it's cruel. Everything we have and get to hold is ripped away from us sooner or later. Whether you're deemed good or if you're seen as bad, life will kick you where it hurts the most and there's nothing you can do about it.

I stare out the window of the back seat while frantically bouncing my leg. Nina is driving 100 miles per hour but still it seems like we're moving in slow motion. I just need to know he's okay.

I hope I'm wrong about A.J. for the sake of Cassian's safety—but I don't think I am. I know it might not be but I can't shake the feeling that this is all my fault. It always is, even without trying, I fail.

Andreas is rubbing gently at my hand with the pad of his thumb. Out of everyone who has, expect my friends and their parents of course, he's the only person that didn't give up on me.

He didn't see me for someone I wasn't. He was never disgusted or afraid to be around me. He's the only person that says he'll never hurt me and I've came to actually believe him. I'm grateful to have him in my life but sometimes I wish I never met him.

I wish he never came into my life and made me feel loved, I wish he didn't make me happy, I wish we never got that project together. If we didn't...none of us would be in this predicament right now. I couldn't help but grasp onto the first person that did everything but turn away from me and now I'm dragging him along on a string behind my own.

I have to let him go.

"Iris, what's it looking like?" Nina rushes out into the thick air at Iris who is typing fast on her computer due to us quickly nearing the house. She sits back and wipes her hands down her face. "I did it. I got the layout for the house."

Nina grasps her shoulder tightly with approval and let's her go. I watch as Iris points out where and what everything is and where we might find Cassian in the house. "The problem is...he could be in any of these three rooms, but if we open the door, a silent alarm goes off to A.J's phone, hence the wire alarm at the top of the door, letting him know we're there."

I look between Andreas and Nina. "Then we better not be wrong, and ready to take on whatever is waiting," Nina says aloud, "Because we're here."

I turn my head slowly to look at the house.