Anchor [BxB]

The beginning pt. 1

I wonder if this is what it feels like to be in a car crash.

I'll explain...
rewind...

                                     Andreas

The crash:

"We can't be together anymore."

I'm officially hit. Fucking T boned. The metaphoric car I happen to be in, in my head, is flipping as we speak.

"What do you mean? What does that mean?" I know what that means, obviously, but I can't...seem to know why this is happening. What is happening?

He looks at me with uncertainty. Like he's upset, that his words don't match his emotions. He suddenly gets smaller, he brings his arms up timidly and hugs himself. Is he— afraid of me?

The wreck:

I move towards him, just for him to step back from me. "Andreas..I said this won't work anymore. I don't want to argue nor do I want to talk it out. Go home."

I can feel all too many things at once. Anxiety creeps up my spine and makes my bones icy. My skin pricks upwards slowly, rising to let me know it's alive. To let me know I'm hurt. I'm not cold, I'm in shock, I'm in pain.

He's all I ever wanted.

So why?

"Why?"

His hands claw at the sides of his body, bunching up his jacket in his hands. "Please Andreas. Please just leave." His voice wavers and his bottom lip begins to tremble.

"If you don't mean it..why are you saying it? What good will come from this?"

"This relationship!- this relationship is hurting our friends, people we've grown to love and care about as much as we do each other! I can't stand and watch this happen to more people Andreas, Don't you get it?"

He hugs himself harder to control his breathing and tears, as if he were a doll on a string that life manipulates, he thinks he has the strings, he thinks he holds the answers, but he doesn't.

"Baby, please. Our relationship isn't to blame for this. What could possibly be your thought process for this absurd ass conclusion? Why do you have to let me and all that we are go because of it?"

"It's just better this way, Andreas." He says, holding his head down towards the floor.

"Look at me. Look at me and tell me that things would be better if we didn't have one another." I mumble through clenched teeth, tight fists forming at my sides.

My body courses with rage when his eyes don't meet mine.

"Look at me! You don't get to sit here and break up with me and not even have the fucking guts to look at me! You're everything to me and now all you want to be is 'were'!" I yell at him, the perimeter of my eyes starting to burn with the threat of tears.

"We need to, I need to! You think I want this? Nothing good ever comes with me and I dragged you all down in the process. It's all my fault.." He mumbles softly in the end, so soft I almost didn't hear it.

"Cassian? Baby no, no it's not-"

"It's my fault. Everything that's happened, is because of me. I grabbed and held on to the first person that actually wanted to hold me back and now one of our friends could be somewhere FUCKING DEAD! All I ever do is think about myself and my problems."

His breathing picks up and he beings to pace as he grips a handful of his shirt that lies on top of his heart.

"How do we know this could've been prevented? How could we have known that we would even be partners on that project? This isn't your fault it's Apollo's fault."

It's quiet for a moment.

"If I never showed interest in you, this wouldn't have happened. This just proves that I shouldn't be with you. I come with too many problems Andreas!"

"How can you sit and blame yourself like this? For something so random. As if it were premeditated. Even if it was, it's not your fault."

"Even if it was? What does that even mean?" Sea yells, throwing his hands up. When he's not given a response, he rolls his eyes and turns away.

"..maybe it was?"

The screams and analyzed damage:

No. What am I doing. It's too soon.

He stops pacing and turns his head to me sharply.

No.

No.

No.

"What do you know, Andreas?" No. It wasn't supposed to come out like this. A lump of the words I want to say forms in my throat but never pushes itself past my lips.

Be a man damnit!

He'll never love me again!

You knew what you were doing from the beginning! It's YOUR fault, if you loved him so much you wouldn't sit and let him blame himself for YOUR mistakes! Tell him the truth!

The cluster of words in my throat turn spiky almost. Expanding and trying to force their way up to my mouth, but I can't. I just can't.

The pain in his face will be worse than anything I've ever experienced. Burns, cuts and bruises, are nothing compared to the pain I'll cause him...the pain I'll cause myself.

"ANDREAS!"

My internal battle is interrupted by a scream, almost animalistic, one that said that this is enough, one that's tired. My conscience is right.

"It was me. It was always me! Apollo and I were always friends. I teamed with him not only to take down those around us but so that we could one day take over the world!"

I open my eyes and look at Sea. He looks...amused?

"Wow, just..wow. To think that you could make such a sick joke at a time like this is really saying something about you. Get out."

He advances towards me with quick steps that have me backing up in the the wall. He catches up with me for I have nowhere left to go. "Get out, Get out! You're so stupid! How could you!" He yells at me while hitting my chest and arms with both fists.

What? I told him the truth and now he doesn't believe me? I mean...taking over the world does sound like a kind of joke doesn't it.

I pull at the short hair that rests on my head.

I grab Sea's arms and pull them downwards to his sides, huffing out.

"Look, I know you don't believe me, and I know that after I explain everything you're really not going to want to see me again, but please, just let me talk to you, no interruptions and no pushing me away until you hear me out entirely."

Our eyes connect.

Rage meets pleas

Soon to be disgust

Soon to be tears and a broken heart

Soon to be mistrust. Damn I'm like...an ache

I can never just go away, stop hurting, leave people alone. I keep causing problems, I keep coming back because I don't know how bad I hurt, like they don't tell me how bad I hurt.

I don't know how to make things better for me now.

"What's going on Andreas? Don't tell me...you really had something to do with this.."

Well.

Here goes nothing.