Anchor [BxB]

Internal bleeding: The side story pt.1

This

This is

The sad story

Of Sea

The boy

Who was deathly afraid of drowning
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In reality
Drowning wasn't the only thing that scared me.
It was...dying really.
The thought of not being here in this world with those that loved me
Those that feared me and those who saw me for what I really was; a coward.

I was scared. All the time. I feared my own shadow even though I stood above it and it be beneath me. I look down at my hands constantly. At times I grinned at the fact that...I could quite easily destroy everything.

I couldn't bring myself to do it though. Kill. Even if it were those who wronged me, or anyone else. I've thought about it, believe me.

Like on the 7th of September after I had taken a beating from Michael, Zach, and Nick. I held onto myself tighter than anyone ever had as they swung baseball bats, golf clubs, and lacrosse nets.

Why?

For just being alive, I guess. Freshman year of high school...and I'm getting beat up for something I can't control. Sounds right. I didn't bother to scream for help. Who would help me anyway? For some reason this particular beating went on longer than most.

Slashing at my back until it the skin was broken and the cuts bled through my shirt. Just when I thought it was over, and every part of my body was bruised. Zach pushed up my shirt with then end of his bat and took out his pocket knife.

I'm sure you can guess what happened next.

Let's just say, I still have that foul word till this day. 'Nothing.' That's what I am. To myself, to you, to them...

As I grew I realized that it was never for no reason, but because everyone was tired of being afraid. Scared of something that shouldn't have been feared in the first place. I deserved it. Really.

Who am I to make people fear me?

I am nothing.

I'll never be anything.

My life is a joke, that's why they laugh at me. I'm a miserable, mess, with no one to clean me. I can't even clean me, I've never expected anyone else to do it. Pick me off the ground- no, Scrape me off the ground and fix me?!

I can't be fixed. I can't be loved!

No one loves me.

No one sees me

No one hears me!

Because I am nothing.

That's what I'll always be.