Billy Hargrove Imagines

Insecurities

Description- when you decided to stay home from school one day you were woken up by the sound of billy coming in your house and slamming the door before comes up to your room to tell you some heartbreaking news

Trigger warnings- mention of self harm, eating disorders, weight comments

*Based on a true story from and experience I've went through
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I had called billy my boyfriend earlier this morning to let him know I wasn't coming because I wasn't feeling the best I haven't told him but ever since I've stopped eating I've felt sick constantly and today just threw me over the edge

I was trying to fall asleep but hardly couldn't due to the fact my stomach hurt so much but then I heard the sound of my front door slamming open then shut again

I grabbed a hard back book and slowly opened the door to my bedroom

"Mom? Dad? Billy?" I heard footsteps coming upstairs and immediately threw the book

"Ow, goddamn baby that hurt." I let out a sight of relief and walked towards the stairs to see billy holding the railing and his head

"Sorry. I thought you were and intruder or something." He bent over and picked up the book and walked upstairs

"It's alright I have to tell you something that happened at school today." I furrowed my eyebrows and billy walked into my bedroom

"What happened babe?" He sighed and sat down on my bed and pulled my into his lap I was hesitant at first but billy always said I was as light as a feather so I went with it

"So Uh in science you know your friends Tina and Carol." I smiled and nodded thinking about them because they were really the only people who didn't make fun of me except for Billy

"Yeah what happened are they okay."
He looked at me with tears in his eyes and when they spilled over I wiped them away

"Uh i-I was sitting next to them and the teacher said that we were gonna be learning about these birds called brown-headed cowbirds and Uh." I leaned back a bit and I kinda already knew what was coming but just thought that I was getting myself worked up

"And uh Carol said ha cow it's (y/n) and then uh Tina she laughed and said (y/n) weighs like 200 pounds and I want to just loose it on them  but I was always raised by my mom to never hit a woman." Now it was my turn to cry this bitches knew how I feel and they said that knowing billy was sitting right next to them

I stood up from Billy's lap and paced back and forth crying then Billy stood up and wrapped his arms around me and tried to comfort me but I kept crying and crying

"They know I don't weigh that much why would they say that." Billy pressed a kiss on top of my head and looked at me

"Baby if you don't mind me asking. How much do you weigh? Cause your so light you couldn't even be used as a paper weight." I looked down at the ground refusing to look him in the eyes

"Ninety five pounds." Billy grabbed my chin and made me look up at him

"Baby that's not healthy, that's just as bad as being overweight." I cried because thought he was mad at me now

"I'm sorry please don't be mad." Billy sighed and held me tight

"When was the last time you ate something."
I looked up at him and his eyes looked worried and hurt

"Tuesday." Billy nodded and sat me on the bed and started to comfort me

"It's Wednesday so you just haven't ate today do you want me to get you something to bite on." I shook my head because he didn't understand because I didn't tell him which Tuesday

"Not yesterday. Last Tuesday." Billy's eyes widened and he placed his hand on my cheek

"Baby you starve yourself?" I nodded and he looked disappointed not in a way that he was disappointed in me but a way where he was disappointed in everyone else

"Baby these people have beat it into your head that your fat but your not your the complete opposite okay and you don't need to starve yourself hell you need to be eating more."
I nodded and stood up from the bed

"Okay well I'm gonna take a shower then we can make some food when I get out okay?" He nodded and I grabbed some pajamas and cleaned underwear and walked to the bathroom

I got a towel and sat it down on the sink along with my clothes before I got in the shower

I washed my hair and body then I grabbed the razor so i could shave my legs then when I got done shaving I looked at the blade on the razor

I sat the razor on the floor and grabbed the full and heavy shampoo bottle then I dropped it on the razor causing it to break

There was a knock at the door and I put the shampoo bottle in the ledge and hid the broken razor behind it

"Baby I heard a thud are you alright." I sighed in relief because I was scared he was gonna open the curtain

"Yeah I'm fine I just dropped the shampoo."
I heard a sigh come from him

"Okay I'm gonna be in the bedroom when you get out." I heard the door click shut then I grabbed the broken razor and slowly pulled the blade out before I turned off the water

I stepped out and placed the blade on the sink next to my clothes before I threw away the plastic fro maybe razor and got dressed

I looked at the blade and moved it around in my hands a few times before I positioned it in my fingers, bringing it down to the skin of my wrist

"I breathed in sharply then I felt a wave of peace and happiness wash over me as then I cut on my other wrist and cleaned up and pulled the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands before I did something stupid. I left the bloody blade on the sink

"Okay I'm ready." We walked downstairs and I sat on the counter while billy cooked me some food

I sat there and stared at the food he cooked my my favorite. Spaghetti, but I still couldn't bring myself to eat but eventually I forced myself to eat the whole thing

Me and billy sat down on the couch and watched a movie when Billy said he had to go use the bathroom

I continued to watch the movie while billy went to go take a piss then not even five seconds later he was running down the stairs

"Baby." I hummed and looked u pro see him holding something in the palm of his hand that he couldn't stop looking at "Please tell me this isn't what I think it is."

"What is it." I stood up and walked over to see that he had the razor blade in his hand that has dried blood on it

"Did you cut yourself." I started to tear up and billy already had been crying

"I'm so sorry I didn't want to I tried not to but I didn't know what to do then I saw the razor and I couldn't help myself." Billy walked over to the trash can and threw away the razor before walking over to me and wrapping his arms around me

"I'm not mad at you I just wish you would have told me when I came in there I don't want you to be doing this anymore. I love you way yo much and I can't lose you." I cried into his shoulder and he cried into mine