A Lifetime Connection

19

Letting go was never easy, especially when you never wanted to. I guess 5 years is enough? Ginawa na naman niya siguro ang lahat ng paghihintay 'di ba?

Vida gave up. For real, this time. She doesn't ask for whatever news they have about her mother. She continued her life, even though she's broken inside.

Hanggang ngayon, iniisip pa rin niya kung bakit hindi makabalik sa kanya ang Mommy niya. Could there be someone threatening or stopping her? O baka may bago na itong pamilya?

She used to be looking forward to hear if they have a lead on where Irene could be, pero wala nang ganun ngayon. She doesn't even care kung babalik pa ba si Irene o hindi. She's tired. Kasi mukhang siya lang naman na ang umaasa na babalik ang ina.

She doesn't have an assurance.

"Vida," she was taken aback when she heard someone called her. It was her Dad.

"Po?" agad niyang sagot.

"Tumawag si Papa mo, tumawag daw si Mommy mo." mahinang sabi ni Greggy.

Biglang nabago ang ekspresyon ni Vida, mukhang hindi ito nasiyahan sa nalaman.

"Tapos?" pabalang niyang sagot.

"Nangangamusta raw..."

"Pakisabi na lang po na hindi ko na kailangan ang pangungumusta niya," she continued writing her essay.

"Vida, that's not a nice thing to say." sabi ni Greggy sa anak.

Vida sighed and let go of her pen. "Hindi rin naman nice ang pag-iwan niya sa akin,"

Greggy sat down on Vida's bed and sighed. Ayaw niyang ganito, na para bang walang pakialam ang anak. As much as he want to, he wants Vida to be transparent. Nung hinayaan lang nitong damdamin ang sakit na mag-isa, sinaktan na nito ang sarili.

Hindi na muli nila pinag-usapan 'yung mga sugat na nakita niya sa pulsuhan ng anak at iba pang bahagi sa katawan. 

A teddy bear came that day, pero pinatapon agad ni Vida 'yun nang makita. She went hysterical. They had to hide it from her. Hindi ito tinapon ni Greggy, nilagay lang nila sa storage room. But due to curiosity, pinakinggan ni Greggy ang lumalabas na tunong nang teddy bear sa tuwing pinipindot and likod nung collar. 

Maybe that was the reason why Vida doesn't like to see or hear from that bear anymore.

Patuloy pa rin ang therapy ni Vida, pero ngayon sumasama na si Greggy sa kanya. They're trying to have a good communication. Like talk their feelings out.

"She's still your Mommy, Vida..."

"Anak niya rin naman ako, pero iiwan niya pa rin ako." seryosong sabi ni Vida.

Greggy let out a breath, "Baka may rason si Mommy mo... Kahit ganun, hindi mo ba siya tatanggapin?" Greggy asked hypothetically.

Biglang natahimik si Vida at nag-isip. Matatanggap nga ba niya kung sakaling may rason ang Mommy niya? O matatanggap nga ba niya kung anong rason man 'yun? Natatakot siyang baka nagpapadala lang siya sa galit, sa lungkot, sa sakit... Dahil ayaw o hindi maaaring bumalik ang Mommy niya sa kanya?

Maybe she held in too much for what her Mom always tells her, that she would always choose her over anyone else. That she'd always come back to her, cause Vida was her home.

"Anong rason ba 'yan, Daddy? Bakit hindi niya akong magawang balikan?"

"Hindi ko alam, Vida... But I know mahal na mahal ka ng Mommy mo-"

Vida scoffed at sarkastikong ngumisi. "Galing ng pagmamahal niyong 'yan ah, halos masira na ang buong pagkatao ko. Hindi ganyan ang pagmamahal na tinuro niyo sa'kin... Sabi niyo, ang pagmamahal ay bumabalik." puno ng hinanakit na ani Vida.