Episode 50: Sleepless nights and morning conversations

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It hasn't taken that long this time (: This book is almost over and I'm thinking about my next one already. 

Don't forget to comment and I love you all!

Louis hasn't closed an eye all night. After he said goodbye to his mom and Lottie, he immediately went to bed and pretended to be asleep when he felt Harry's presence. His head is all over the place. He thought that there was nothing that he wanted more than to accompany Harry to Paris, but the chance he has gotten... Louis doesn't know what to do and he doesn't know how to possibly talk to Harry.

That's why when it's seven o'clock, when the sun comes up, he carefully pulls himself from under Harry's arms that are wrapped around him and he silently leaves the sleeping room. He wants to avoid Harry because he is really not ready yet to talk. He doesn't even know himself what he really wants; Paris with Harry or a shot at his dream job in London. He knows that when he talks to Harry before making a decision there is not even a chance that he is staying in London, he joins the boy within a second. But sometimes a decision can't only be made by the heart...

Louis quickly puts on a pair of shorts, a shirt and then goes outside. The fresh air might help him to clear his head. What he didn't expect was to see someone else at the side of the pool who had the same idea as himself.

"El?" Louis asks. He kicks his slippers off and takes place next to her on the boarder of the pool. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Could ask you the same question." She smiles but it's clearly a made up one. Louis can see the sadness in her eyes.

"Yeah, but I was first. Tell me, what's going on?"

"Luke's family hates me." She says, looking down at the water. "They told me that they don't believe that I actually like him because of the way I have acted in the beginning. They think that now I am with him to still have a shot to win this stupid show and get money out of it and that I use their son's heart to get to my goal."

"Whoah, that's a whole lot of shit..." Louis says. "What does Luke say about it? Does he believe his parents?"

"He tells me that he doesn't, but I can see the doubt in his eyes..." Eleanor sighs. "It fucking sucks because... Look, I know how I acted in the beginning towards him but- I was immediately attracted to him. How can you not? Have you looked at him? And then we started those random discussions and fights and it kind of made me want him even more. He immediately made me feel things, you know? And I don't know how to handle feelings so I reacted completely wrong..."

"I get that." Louis nods. "Feelings make us do stupid things. Just talk to Luke and tell him honestly how you feel about all of this. How did your family react towards Luke?"

"My family is happy that I'm coupled up with a guy. They still don't accept the fact that I'm bisexual... I could have chosen any guy here and they'd be happy."

"Ouch, that sucks... I'm sorry, El. You don't deserve this. I think everybody sees that the two of you have actually feelings for each other, it was already mentioned during the twitter challenge. Luke's parents will find out. It's difficult you know because they only see the things on tv that the producers want to show and for your storyline it's probably all the bickering with Luke that has been shown to the world."

"Probably... But it's seven thirty in the morning and I know why I am sitting here, you know now as well, now it's your turn to tell me what's wrong Tomlinson."

"I get the chance to go to an interview with my dream job." Louis says.

"And you are sulking? What's the problem? Fucking congratulations, Lou!" Eleanor cheers. "I'm so happy for you!"

"It's not that easy... I promised Harry before that I would go with him to Paris..."

"Yeah, because there was nothing holding you back in London but now there is...."

"I don't know, is there?"

"Louis, it's your dream job! You even told me about it in the hot tub!" Eleanor exclaims. "That's fucking amazing."

"But what if I'll lose Harry because of it?" Louis starts to play with his finger nails. He really is nervous about this. Losing Harry is not really an option right now, he makes Louis feel complete.

"Obviously you won't lose Harry because of it! Did Harry lose you because of Paris?"

"No."

"And why is that?" Eleanor asks.

"Because I don't want to lose him, ever. I'm proud of him that he got this chance. I wish him all the best and success in the world. He would never lose me because he chases his dreams."

"And don't you think Harry wishes you the same thing?" Eleanor smiles.

"Yeah, I really like to believe he does..." Louis nods. "And we love each other, so we'll make it, right?"

"You can know right now, look who's there?"

And Louis turns around, only to see Harry in only his boxers looking around like he is searching for something or someone. When his eyes connect with Louis', a small smile plays on his face and he immediately walks up to the older boy.

"There you are! I couldn't find you anywhere, Lou! I was worried! I turned around and you weren't there to cuddle me."

Louis removes his feet from the pool and lets himself being pulled up by his boyfriend.

"I'm sorry, couldn't sleep anymore and just needed some fresh air. I didn't mean to scare you."

"Couldn't sleep? Baby, are you okay?" Harry asks, thumb rubbing over Louis' cheek. "You seem a bit off."

"I'm going to take a shower." Eleanor says. She winks at Louis, giving him a thumbs up before leaving the garden.

"Can we talk?" Louis asks and Harry nods. They walk towards the outside bed and Louis grabs Harry's hand once they are settled down.

"I had a talk with my mom yesterday. She told me something and I don't know if it made me really happy, or actually pretty sad."

"Is everything alright?" Harry has a worried look on his face.

Louis breathes in and out, preparing himself how he is going to break the news to Harry. He is just going to say everything at once, no breaks, no interaction, just let it all out.

"I got a job interview back in London with the best drama school of the whole UK."

"Lou that's amazing!" Harry smiles. "When's the interview?"

"Immediately when I'm back home... If they hire me, I'll start the upcoming semester."

"The upcoming semester, but that's when-"

"When you go to Paris. H, if they actually want me, I can't go to Paris with you..."

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