Consolation

11| Affannato (Or, in an anguished tone)

Asuka dropped her phone.

She'd heard Doctor Shino's words, but it felt like they'd been said to someone else.

"I'm so sorry, Asuka."

The sadness in the doctor's voice...

"Your eggs weren't just abnormal. They were significantly aged beyond what we would expect with your condition. I've never seen anything like it. Based on what we're seeing here, I don't think you'll be able to conceive."

Asuka had always been afraid of this. In the back of her mind, she'd always worried that this body—this yoesi body, stuck somewhere between immortal and mortal, like demi-god but worse in every sense, could carry a child.

But today...she had allowed herself to hope. To dream of twins snuggling into her chest. Of laughter and pitter-patter of little feet down the hallway. Of late nights, of Kurama's emerald eyes shining up at her from a son or daughter.

Why?

Asuka sat frozen.

It's not fair.

The bruises across her abdomen and thighs. The appointment load. The drugs. Feeling trashed. All of it—for nothing.

I never should've tried. I knew.

She knew.

Asuka's cell phone buzzed at her feet. She picked it up and saw a message from Kurama.

Kurama: Hi, Love. I just got out of a meeting. Hear anything from the doctor?

She bit her lip and forced herself to reply.

Asuka: No, not yet. Still waiting
Kurama: I see. Well, hopefully, she calls soon. I have nothing else today except for client meetings, so call me as soon as you hear
Asuka: I will

Asuka didn't enjoy lying to her husband, but she didn't want him to drop all of his client appointments, especially after doing it last month. It wasn't good for his reputation and she couldn't have that. If she told him the truth, he'd leave work regardless of her insistence he stay.

And, truth be told, Asuka needed some time alone. She wanted to fully feel her sadness before anyone tried to comfort her—whenever that sadness hit. Right now, she only felt numb.

Asuka moved slowly toward her piano. She sat and hovered her fingers over the keys.

Nothing came.

It was like all the songs had disappeared and were replaced with echoes of the doctor's words.

"I'm sorry. You can't get pregnant."

This body was a curse.

Asuka stared out the window.

If Kurama found out he'd be furious—she didn't care. She was suffocating, and she needed to get outside and walk. By herself. Now.

Asuka went to the closet and got her trench coat. She secured the buckle and then put on her hat, mittens, and scarf. The only thing she took with her was her cell phone and keys.

The air outside was still chilled, but warmer than it was this morning. Their neighborhood was quiet. She watched some old ladies buy durian from a stand and saw a couple with cups of hot coffee. As she meandered aimlessly, she saw a mother pushing a stroller, and inside the stroller was a baby under a pile of blankets. The mother was smiling and cooing at the baby.