Consolation

12| Lento Placido (Or, the Third Consolation)

Kurama was beside himself with anger. Not at Asuka, but at himself.

He should've taken the day off. If he had, he would've been at her side when she received the news. Instead, he'd gone to work. Her tear-stained cheeks were agony to him. They represented hours he was not there to comfort her.

"I know you weren't excited to have a baby," she said. "I know this news doesn't affect you as it does me."

Kurama stared down at Asuka, unsure of what to say. Should he tell her that his viewpoint had quietly changed this past month? That he did want a baby, and the news greatly saddened him?

But if he told her, she'd feel guilty. If he didn't, she'd feel alone in her grief. Having to choose was the worst situation because he had to say something. Perhaps a limited truth was best. He placed his hands on her shoulders. "The news does not affect me as it does you, but it does affect me, and I am sad."

Her eyes cast to the floor. Kurama pulled his wife closer and put his hand through her hair. She hooked her arm around his neck. "I'm sorry, Asuka," he murmured. "I am unsure of why this happened, but I have to wonder if it's because of that machine."

She nodded.

"I hoped your decision to save the Makai wouldn't have any further consequences. I never wanted you to be sad. I wanted to provide you with the best life."

"You have—and do—make me so happy. I love you and I have the best life with you. But...you can't protect me from sorrow, Kurama."

Kurama mentally punched himself. Asuka was comforting him when he should be comforting her. He hadn't meant for the conversation to turn in this direction. "What do you need?"

"I don't know. A different body?"

Kurama squeezed her.

Asuka sighed. "I couldn't reconvert my body even if I wanted to. Going back to an immortal form is impossible and disguising myself all the time? It would be terrible, not to mention all the other consequences. Our lives would be infinitely more difficult."

"Is it bad I don't want you to go back? To have to carry the burden of the future like you used to?" Kurama murmured.

"No," Asuka said. "I don't want that burden either."

Kurama clung to Asuka as if she were going to float away. "Tell me everything you're feeling, Love."

Her body seized up, and a choked cry went into his chest. "I'm so angry. I'm angry at my body. All I wanted was to join the pregnant party. I wanted it so badly. And now I'll never get the chance. I just...hate it. And I don't know where to go from here."

"Well, let's not worry about that now. Let's give ourselves some space to...reassess."

"Okay."

Kurama kissed her head.

That evening, Kurama tried his best to comfort Asuka. He cooked dinner, read out loud to her, and infused her evening bath with a special mix of plants that relaxed the body and gave off calming smells.

Even with all of that, Asuka tossed and turned in the night. What can I do for her? As Asuka said, he couldn't fix her problem...much as he longed to do. He also knew he needed to deal with his own emotions, but they seemed inconsequential to his wife's suffering.

Around three in the morning, Asuka sat up and drank the water next to her bedside table. Kurama rolled over. His enhanced vision gave him a perfect view of his wife's face, and he looked haggard.

"Will you be well enough to record?" he asked.

"I'll have to be. I can't ask Joe Hisaishi to postpone. There are so many other moving parts to a movie recording, and bailing would put everyone in a terrible position. But...even if I could stay home, I would probably still go. I need...some kind of distraction. Otherwise, I'll wallow."