Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Chapter 64 and 65 - Panic and Distress

Me and Peter binged a few more movies before we decided to head to bed. I bid him goodnight and collapsed into bed. It didn't take long for the exhaustion to kick in and for sleep to pull me down.

I woke up early the next day. 

I got changed and headed down to the kitchen. I forced myself to keep busy and made breakfast for me and Peter.

"Morning Y/N!" Peter slid along the floor on his fuzzy socks making me laugh as he collapsed into a chair.

His brown fluffy hair had been combed and he was wearing a blue jumper with some yellow writing with some black bottoms.

"Hey Peter! I made us breakfast. How are you?" I said as I placed a plate and cutlery in front of his grinning face.

"Yeah, I'm good! I've got to stay with my aunt May tonight so I won't be back after school." He explained after he thanked me for breakfast. We both tucked in.

"Ok, no problem!"

He was finished after a couple of minutes when I was barely a quarter of the way done.

"Thanks for breakfast Y/N! I'm late so I've got to go. See you later!" Peter said hurriedly as he packed away his dish and silverware.

"Bye Peter. Have a good day!" I called as he ran out the room grabbing his backpack and his jacket before shouting bye.

Once he had gone, I stood up and threw the rest of my food away and I headed back to the gym.

My stomach was grumbling loudly, pining for food and I ignored its cries and began training intensely.

After about an hour, I get too dizzy and have to stop. I punched the floor in anger, cutting open my knuckles.

All I wanted to do was train and of course my body wouldn't let me.

I stopped once my vision began to fade and not wanting to pass out, I stood up and slowly got myself to my room. I collapsed onto my bed and laid down completely exhausted. My eyes succumbed to the tiredness and I fell asleep.

A raging nightmare woke me up a few hours later.

I panted for breath as my chest tightened restricting any oxygen from getting to my lungs. My hands began to shake and my vision blurred with long tears streaming down my face as I sobbed. I paced the room, trying anything to calm down but everything failed. In the corner of my eye, I spotted the silver glint of the knife I forget to take downstairs. My mind fought with itself as I tried to beg myself to calm down in any other way, rather than using my old unconventional methods.

Eventually, I gave in and grabbed the knife. I shoved it into my arm and gasped as pain filled my body, stopping the panic attack instantly. I felt my heart rate begin to slow as blood trickled down my arm, staining the carpet as I carved a few more lines in my arm, adding more cuts amongst the white scars which had faded long ago. I sniffled as I watched my blood seep out of the cuts I created. My tears slowed as the pain remained strong.

A gruff man's voice made itself present behind me, making me jump out of my skin.

"Y/N... what are you doing?" I flinched and hurried to the back of my room, trying to hide my blood soaked arm.

I pulled down my sleeves and hid the knife and turned around quickly.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I spat as I moved forward, standing on the stains on the carpet, so he wouldn't see them.

He looked down at my sleeves. Blood was pouring through the material, turning it into a sickly red colour.

"Y/N..." Loki said once again.

"No you didn't answer my question!" I shouted through the tears and hiccups.

"You didn't answer mine." He replied as he tried to see what I used, looking around the room for the blood covered object which I had hidden.

"You shouldn't be here! Jarvis will have alerted Tony. They'll be on their way back!" I shouted again as my breaths became more shallow as I started to panic again. I crossed my arms, giving myself more pain, forcing me to bite my tongue so I wouldn't cry out.

"Why did you do it?" Loki asked calmly and held up his hands before he moved a little closer.

"Why do you act like you care?" My voice hitched slightly as the tears didn't stop.

"Because it bothers me knowing that you're in a lot of pain." He replied as he got closer again. "It's a dark place to be. I've been there too."

"I'm fine! Just leave me alone!" I whimpered as the pain and guilt began to overwhelm my body and mind.

"Let me help you." Loki said calmly with his voice as soft as caramel.

"Would you really risk being captured just to help me?" I raised my eyebrows, trying to catch him in his lie as I moved my arms behind my back so he couldn't see the alarming amount of blood any longer.

"I don't believe you! Why are you even here? What do you want?" I changed the topic quickly as Loki continued to look for the knife, scanning the room with his blue eyes.

"I came to find what's mine. But I could sense someone in distress and came to see who." Loki explained carefully and calmly. 

I moved myself so I could see my arms but Loki couldn't and gasped. My sleeves were so full of blood you could probably wring them out. The blood was seeping through the material and beginning to drip to the floor, adding to the stains.

"Shit..." I murmured and my eyes welled again.

I quickly used my powers to tie up Loki with a rope made of my powers that would never loosen unless I loosened them. He didn't fight or struggle. He just watched me with a cautious eye, keeping a watch on my arms as I lost more blood.

I dragged him downstairs and locked him up in a cell.

"I'm sorry but I can't let you go." I slurred slightly. "Don't tell anyone." I pleaded as I leant against the wall.

"I won't. Please clean them. I know you don't trust me but if you need to talk to someone, you can talk to me. I do understand!" He smiled softly and I untied the ropes, leaving him locked up in the cell.

"Thanks Loki... I'm sorry for this." I muttered and left the room quickly.

I trudged upstairs, leaning against the wall as I begged myself not to collapse. I cleaned up the blood and got changed. I winced as the material scratched against my cuts before bandaging them up quickly. I threw the hoodie into the wash and pulled on another.

My phone began vibrating and I looked to see it was Nat calling