ѕανє мє ƒяσм ιηѕαηιту {ᴊ.ʜ}

𝓜𝔂 𝓖𝓸𝓸𝓭𝓫𝔂𝓮 <3

This is a very important Author’s Note, and I would appreciate if you would take the time and read it, huge thank you to those that do. 

If you don’t know by now, my name is Jade or River either one, it’s whatever you want to call me, and I have been a writer on Wattpad since I was ten. I started my writing career with TFIL (a youtube channel about a group of friends traveling the world in search of once-in-a-lifetime experiences) my book consisted of Elton Castee, Corey Scherer, Colby Brock, Sam Golbach, and Jake Webber but I deleted it along with my very first “official” book Unhealed Wounds and Healed Wounds.

It was (of course) a Jasper Hale love story and it was cringy and very, very badly written but I don’t at all regret writing it because it gave me the inspiration to write ѕανє мє ƒяσм ιηѕαηιту. And I love this book. I am extremely proud of this book, maybe I’m just being cocky but so be it, because I love this book, this book not only introduced me to some amazing online people but it got my name out there, so I LOVE this book… 

And I have always been honest with you, my online friends, I have talked about my boring life and important pieces of it. I've shared bad pieces even like the death of my older sister, but for the past year or so, I haven’t been completely honest, until now. 

Now I am giving you the whole truth, 100% honesty, and it is triggering, and this is why. 

On January 21st, 2023, I tried to commit suicide by overdosing on a high dose of Tetrahydrocannabinol or THC, which is the chemical in Cannabis that produces the “high” that most users seek.

Smoked THC can kick in within minutes while edible THC can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours sometimes even 4 hours to feel the full effects, and those effects can last up to 12 hours, many overdoses happen because people eat an edible and don’t feel anything at first and then take another dose thinking they need more, really all you need is barely half of a Delta gummy to feel the effects, 

I took four whole ones.

Now for all the future comments saying “but Jade THC doesn’t kill you” yes, yes it can, that was the point of me taking four, overconsumption of THC can induce anxiety (panic attacks) which speeds up your heart, paranoia, and uncontrollable vomiting, which strains your heart, basically with the elevated blood pressure and strain, you can have a heart attack if you can’t calm down which is what my father told me as I laid on the bathroom floor, panicking.

And unfortunately, there is no antidote to marijuana toxicity, you just have to let time do its thing. 

For me, I was up from 3:00 a.m. to 6:30 in the morning sitting on the couch hyperventilating while my mother force-fed me ice cream and blue Gatorade to keep my fluids up or something, it’s all kind of a blur minus the little details, I remember throwing up on my mother, and I remember telling her I didn’t want to die, that it was all a mistake. 

That was five months ago, and let me tell you so much has happened since then, all good things from now on I promise. 

Number One. I’m finally in Therapy after many, many years of mental issues and depression now I can finally let it all out to my amazing Therapist Jenny. 

Number Two. I’ve Graduated High School and are moving onto College, I was pretty sure I was going to die before eighteen, and here I am still standing.

Number Three. College. I’m moving on from WV to a new place, with new friends, new people, hopefully, good people.

Number Four. I’ve finally come to terms with my sexuality, finally after years of being so confused, I can finally say “I’m Bisexual hah!”

And Number Five. I’ve decided to move on from Wattpad.

This was a hard decision because this platform has helped me express myself in so many ways, but my life is changing as I’ve said, I’m going to College, I’m growing up, and I need to welcome those changes and to be honest I’ve been away from Wattpad for a while now, it’s time to finish moving on.

And so ѕανє мє ƒяσм ιηѕαηιту is officially finished, there will be no more updates, this is the end, but I’m not deleting it because I want my book to be an escape from other people like it was for me, it will stay up, I just won’t be around to see it blossom but that’s okay.

I can proudly say that “I’m okay with this change”.

I will sincerely miss all of you and to everyone who reads this book, I appreciate you and I hope you love reading it as much as I loved writing it.

(And just for old time's sake).

I hope you enjoyed this overdo Author’s Note, and I hope you understand but please feel free to leave any comments or criticism. Signing off forever and always <3 Jade.