乇卩|乙ㄖ́

匚卄卂卩ㄒ乇尺 千ㄖㄩ尺ㄒ乇乇几

(TW: Panic Attack, Flashbacks, Nightmares.)
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"Hey, mom! I can't wait for you to come to the city! It's so great here, you'd love it."

"I'm sure I would, honey. How's your dad?"

"He's fine, he's—"

"Honey?"

"..."

"KAMA!"

~☯︎

I shot up from the bed, the sharp breaths I was taking were too fast for my lungs to keep up.

I hadn't dreamt of that day since meeting Aino and Griff, and I was relieved.

This time, the dream unlocked more of the memory. Everything began to rush back to me, the voices, the screaming, every single touch I felt. It's no wonder I've locked that day in a box deep in my mind.

I still couldn't even out my breathing, feeling the painful tugs at my lungs for any type of relief. I felt like I was sinking into my bed, falling into a much deeper place.

I still felt everything all over the surface of my skin. It's like I was there again. It's like I had gone back to the past. I could feel my own blood dripping from my wounds, other people's blood staining my pale skin. I could feel the freezing cold winds from that day, despite being in a warm bed.

I knew I wasn't there. I knew that I was in a hotel, safe and sound with someone with me.

I couldn't help but get lost in it all, either way.

When I noticed I couldn't calm down, I knew I had to get out. I had to go somewhere. I had to wash this imaginary blood off myself until my skin was raw.

I fell off of the bed, stumbling towards the bathroom. My vision was terrible as it flashed from the present to the past.

It's like I could see Oregon in this small hotel room, I could see the people who were merely corpses now.

I slammed all my body weight into the door, unable to move my hand to the knob.

I continued to gasp for air, collapsing on the edge of the sink in desperation.

I quickly turned the water on, dipping my hand into the icy cold rush.

I didn't even wait for it to warm up, I just needed something to remind me of where I truly was. Anything to get me out of this state of panic.

I heard someone calling my name, but I couldn't make out the voice. It was ringing in my ear as someone else's, but my brain registered it as my dad's in my memories.

When I turned, I saw him reaching for me like he did back then. I knew it wasn't him, though.

"Snap out of it—" I heard the frantic voice speaking to me, cold hands touching the surfaces of my skin.

I wanted to listen to it, but I felt like a prisoner to my brain. I couldn't do anything of my own will right now. All I knew was that I had to wake up. The voice was right.

I dipped my other hand into the water, continuing to breathe heavily into the marble countertop.

I tried to speak, but I wasn't necessarily sure if anything was coming out. I had no way of knowing besides the person beside me now.

"Help." was all I was able to make out through my hoarse voice. It didn't even sound like my own anymore. It sounded like whatever demon was consuming me in this darkness.