Falling Falling Stars

25 - Hard Place

Note: Extremely mild subdrop, but mostly a lot of other things going on, lol. This is a big chapter for Ef!

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The urge to cry had vanished, and instead Efnisien felt like he was drifting, which was stupid, because he was literally lying down on a couch. The pain in his hips receded. His gut felt like it was starting to relax, which meant his gut had been tense the entire time beforehand. Possibly for days and days. He realised, belatedly, that he was hungry. He was meant to have multiple small meals a day, and he'd been neglectful over the past few days.

But it all felt like it came through from a distance. All that mattered was Arden's fingers on his scalp, in his hair. Arden would ghost over the very top of Efnisien's curls, not even touching his skin. Or his index finger would trace over the shell of his ear, making him shiver, and even it would stroke right behind his ear, where it connected to his scalp, which felt strange and intimate and like Arden was finding too much of him. Too much of him at once.

He just kept doing it. He did it like Efnisien was the fidget cube, except instead of feeling like an object, Efnisien knew he mattered. He didn't know how he could tell. Maybe it was that Arden's fingers were always careful.

Sometimes Arden's hand would rest on his shoulder and be still. Sometimes it would squeeze gently, like he was offering reassurance. Other times it would rub his arm.

The next episode passed and Efnisien barely paid attention. It made him feel like crème brulee and cheesecake, and that was it.

It felt like no time at all had passed when Arden put the show on pause during the end credits, and gently tousled Efnisien's hair.

'Hey, sweetheart. How are you doing?'

'Mm,' Efnisien managed, his eyes half-closed.

'Oh, look at you, all nice and relaxed now, aren't you?'

Efnisien blinked dazedly at the television. Arden's voice had changed, it was almost like how someone might talk to a kid, or a dog, but not quite that either. It made Efnisien feel smaller, and like he just wanted to curl up in Arden's lap.

'Is it bad?' Efnisien said, his voice more breathless than before.

'No, Ef, it's not bad at all. It was nice, wasn't it? You don't have to get up just yet, but I was thinking we could do something light for dinner after this. Can you have chicken salad sandwiches?'

'Maybe,' Efnisien said. He didn't know. He didn't know what he could have. He didn't know why he had so many problems with his digestion, when it wasn't like she'd stabbed his stomach. 'Probably. Like...one.'

'All right. Do you like the crusts cut off?'

Efnisien exhaled a breath of laughter. That was so silly. He didn't think he'd ever had the crusts cut off his sandwiches. He turned his head on Arden's lap awkwardly, until he could look up at Arden. He could see the two little moles next to one eye, and Arden's deep brown eyes creased with his smile.

'I've...never eaten them like that,' Efnisien said.

'What?' Arden said, a kind of mock horror on his face. 'No one ever cut the crusts off your sandwiches? Or cut them into triangles?'

'It's just sandwiches,' he said, confused.

Arden smiled at him and smoothed a thumb over his forehead. And then his fingers moved down and framed the bruising and the cut on his cheek. He didn't say anything, but Efnisien found himself drawn away from that easy, quiet space he'd found. For some reason, he wanted to apologise, but he couldn't think of a reason why.