Falling Falling Stars

63 - Awake

Note: I've imagined this whole scene for months and it's so great to finally have it down in the story, *punches the sky happily*

*

Efnisien's heart raced as Arden's fingers undid the buttons of the pink shirt, one by one. His face burned and his eyes were still wet. He had to bite the tip of his tongue because he felt so exposed in this position and Arden hadn't even looked at the scars yet.

Another button, another, and then Arden had reached the underside of the ropes. Efnisien was shaking. He couldn't stop.

'Shhh, baby,' Arden said.

Arden's hands slid beneath Efnisien's shirt, and then suddenly his palms were flat on his skin. It was so shocking – he'd expected more of a warning – that he froze.

'I know,' Arden crooned. 'I'm not looking yet. Does it hurt?'

Efnisien was never going to move again.

'Concentrate, sweetheart,' Arden said gently. 'Does it hurt?'

Remarkably, surprisingly, it didn't. It felt like two warm hands over cool skin. It felt like involuntary muscle twitches like his belly was trying to jerk away. It felt like sensory feedback in some areas and numbness in others. But mostly it felt like Arden's hands touching him, and Efnisien still couldn't process it.

Arden moved his hands slightly, a centimetre up, and Efnisien made a choked sound, taking a huge breath.

'If it's easier, you can nod or shake your head,' Arden said, looking up at him. 'Does it hurt, baby?'

Efnisien shook his head, mouth open, staring at nothing.

'Oh,' Arden said, the sound sighing out of him. 'That's good, my flower. Your skin's so soft here. Even some of the scars are soft. It feels like some of them healed pretty well.'

If Efnisien had his good hand free, he knew he'd be clinging to Arden's shoulder. He felt like he was falling. Everything was dizzying, moving far too quickly, even though Arden's hands were just...resting there.

'Fuck,' Efnisien said finally, his voice strangled.

'You let me know if this hurts, okay?' Arden said. 'You don't have to safeword, you can just tell me.'

Arden's hands spread out sideways, fingers splaying, and then his palms glided up to Efnisien's sternum, and then all the way down again. Efnisien whimpered when Arden's palm caught some of the worst scarring, not because it hurt, but because he hated it. He hated that part of his body so much.

'Painful?' Arden said.

Efnisien shook his head, even though he was crying again. His breaths were audible, each one shaking, and he thought maybe a sane person would stop touching him and be worried or concerned. And instead Arden kept his hands in place.

Arden was so warm. So gentle. The nurses and the doctors hadn't tried to hurt him, but they hadn't been warm.

No one had been warm to that part of him.

'These scars feel like mean ones, baby. What happened?'

Efnisien ducked his head helplessly, it hovered above Arden's shoulder. And Arden reached up with one hand – keeping the other on his stomach – and pressed Efnisien's head all the way down until he was leaning against him.

'What happened, princess?'

Efnisien dragged in a shuddering breath and pressed his lips together as he exhaled. All of this was hard. He felt like he was full-on crying, even though he really wasn't. But the feelings inside of him were the same.