Falling Falling Stars

54 - Bindings

Note: Soft shibari cotton, or cotton rope, is often just called 'cotton sash' or cotton cord in Australia. So I've stuck with that terminology.

*

Efnisien felt nervy as he stood in Arden's lounge. He knew Isabelle was outside with a bone, and he knew they were doing a scene, and even though not much time had passed since their last one, he somehow felt like he'd lived a whole lifetime in the last few weeks. From their argument at Kadek's, to adopting the emoji system, meeting with Bridge, talking to Dr Gary about all of that bullshit, Professor Adayemi wanting to meet him, the poetry group, and Nate, and petting Isabelle. He couldn't get rid of the feeling that he was tumbling down a steep mountainside, and it was fine right now while he had momentum, but he was going to smash to pieces eventually.

Arden placed two glasses of water in the lounge, along with a red Tupperware container. Efnisien couldn't see what was inside of it.

Efnisien's satchel with a change of clothes was by the front door. He was staying the night. That was weird too.

'You doing okay?' Arden said, coming back to him and curling a hand around his forearm. Even though Arden had to look up at him, Efnisien felt so small, like Arden was looking down on him instead.

'I don't...want to be bad at this,' Efnisien said, his voice strained.

Arden's face did something, but whatever the expression was, eventually it resolved into a gentle smile. 'Baby, I won't let you be bad at this.'

Efnisien couldn't look away, and Arden rubbed his arm.

'You can't be bad at this while I'm here,' Arden said. 'I know you want to be good, so I'm going to help you. And if you're struggling, you can always safeword, or ask me to help you more, okay?'

What could he do but nod in response to something like that? Already he felt like he was in the scene, they hadn't even started yet. Was that something Arden was supposed to know? Should he say it out loud?

But then Arden was wrapping his arms around the outside of Efnisien's arms, pulling him in until they were chest to chest.

'Tell me your safewords, sweetface,' Arden said. 'And then we'll start, okay?'

'Yes, Arden,' Efnisien said.

Arden's arms twitched then; it was unmistakeable. Efnisien had no idea why. He said his safewords, green and yellow and blue. And all the other rules fell into place, no talking back, no trying to work against the spirit of the scene, or what Arden wanted from him. It was a relief, and he dared to risk resting his forehead a little harder against Arden's shoulder. Even when Arden asked him to do things that weren't easy, this part of his life made sense.

Which was so fucking weird? That was so fucking weird. At some point he needed to talk to Mika about it, because he couldn't imagine bringing up any of this stuff with Dr Gary at all.

'Okay,' Arden said, stepping back and clearing his throat. He grasped Efnisien's upper arms and looked him over critically, eyes narrowed. And Efnisien stood there and waited, marvelling at the fact that Arden wanted to do this with him, when Efnisien was nothing more than someone's discarded nephew and son, he was just some nobody who worked in his apartment and got scared at poetry meetings.

Arden's right hand slipped down to Efnisien's wrist and squeezed it, first carefully, but then with increasing pressure. Efnisien didn't know how to react, so he just stood there. Eventually he felt like flexing his fingers, so he did that, but he didn't try and twist away.

Arden didn't stop until there was a faint ache, and then he loosened his grip and slipped his thumb beneath Efnisien's sleeve and stroked the inside of his wrist like it was a reward. The edge of Arden's thumb was calloused, and the skin he passed it over was sensitive. In the end, Efnisien couldn't keep up the eye contact and he looked down instead, at Arden's hand, his forearm.