Falling Falling Stars

31 - Culinary

Notes: Pastel Shibari Dreams doesn't exist as a book (but should, that being said - pastel bdsm dynamics and aesthetics are all over the place on social media these days), however Leading and Supporting Love does, and I'm a fan.

In addition, this chapter focuses a fair bit on disordered eating, and Crielle's issues with food.

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Efnisien wanted to help Arden, but he didn't trust himself in a kitchen.

'Um,' Efnisien said, standing awkwardly and trying to think of something he could do. 'So I shouldn't really be handling knives, and um, I only use my stove for like, burning things. Like...objects. But it sets off the smoke alarm. And then like when I got out of Hillview I got a book on true crime and Dr Gary told me that was a bad idea and told me to throw it out and I knew I couldn't set the book on fire in my apartment, so I set it on fire in a bin outside and the police got called and that was how I got sectioned back to Hillview for a while.'

Arden stared at him and Efnisien made a face.

'Basically what I'm saying is that I really want to help but I don't know how.'

'Oh!' Arden said, his expression clearing. 'No, no, you're fine. I just want you to be comfortable. Besides, this is easy. It's just like, packet pasta, sauce from a jar, some extra stuff. Wait, do you not-? Do you not cook? How do you...eat?'

'Cereal,' Efnisien said, shrugging. 'Um. Cup noodles. I can use an electric kettle, and there's no fires. The microwave sometimes but I overcook things a ton and I just mostly make porridge because it's cheap. I eat a lot of like, nuts and stuff, and like, things on special, like discounted muesli bars when they're basically almost past their best before date. They say they're gonna go bad by the next day but muesli bars last forever, I once got like ten packets for ten cents each. Um. Things like that.'

'Yeah...' Arden said, moving around the kitchen efficiently. 'You're kind of really bad at food, huh? Did anyone teach you how to cook, growing up?'

'No,' Efnisien said. 'Food was weird, growing up.'

'Weird how?'

Efnisien's hands drifted to his stomach, then drifted away again. 'Just weird, I guess. My aunt was weird about it. Like really controlling, you could say. I had to eat what she told me, and I wasn't...'

Efnisien wasn't even really thinking about that. He was thinking about Gwyn. He remembered the locked fridge where Crielle cultured bacteria samples and kept all her chemicals. He knew she had some kind of science or chemistry background, but she never told him exactly what she'd done at university. He only knew she was the smartest in her class because once, at a function, he'd overheard some other people speaking about how it was unfair she got to be so beautiful and so smart, and how she was 'wasting it' being a housewife for Lludd.

It had been so easy back then to feel proud of her, to love her more than anything, and to laugh quietly to himself because the idea that she was just a housewife must have been a great smokescreen for all the crafty, malicious shit she did in her spare time. He always remembered her being busy, but whether that was doing some kind of white collar crime or working in the lab, he couldn't be sure.

Food was weird because Crielle was weird about food. She micromanaged everything she ate. If she hired catering, she hardly touched the food herself until she knew exactly what was in it, or she was doctoring it for Gwyn. She had a vendetta against food that tasted good.

When he was older and had his own bank account and credit card, he bought junk food. A lot of it he wanted to share with Gwyn, but Gwyn would never eat it with him, and Efnisien always felt ashamed even having it in his room. It was so stupid. He could stick a knife in a puppy without blinking – at least mostly – but he'd stare at a chocolate bar for hours wondering what Crielle would do if she noticed that he ate it. Which was also stupid because she wouldn't do anything more except be disappointed in him.