Falling Falling Stars

58 - Talk

Note: Efnisien's voice in this chapter made me laugh at a couple of points. Believe it or not this story does have a point and a direction it's headed in just...we're taking the VERY SCENIC ROUTE gomen

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'So,' Efnisien said, reaching into his bag and taking out the fidget dice. He kept forgetting to take it out, but today he was going to remember, goddamn it. 'Oh, can I use this? Will the noises annoy you?'

He flicked the switch on one side back and forth, so that Dr Gary could get an idea.

'That will be fine,' Dr Gary said placidly.

'Cool, I mostly use this one anyway,' Efnisien said, pressing down on the four buttons on another side, that clicked under his fingers. 'Okay, so, fucking Arden said he loved me the other night at like fuck-off o'clock in the morning and he forgot about it, and I know he forgot because he didn't bring it up the next morning, and he's not the kind of guy to not bring it up. And I am the kind of guy to not bring it up so I guess we're never talking about it again.'

'Until he tells you again,' Dr Gary said.

'If he ever fucking tells me again,' Efnisien muttered. 'It's not like- It's not the worst thing ever. It's just- And then yesterday I tried to write poetry, and no one tells you how fucking gay it is to sit there and try and write poetry. So I spent like two hours looking up tanka and haiku structures and stuff and then it's like, why, why did I join a poetry group again? And why is fucking Nate the goddamn- Like I don't want Nate to read my poetry, because Nate's the worst!'

Dr Gary stared at him, expression quizzical, and Efnisien rewound what he'd said in his mind.

'Um, I... I didn't join a poetry group but I kind of visited a poetry group on Saturday and small fucking world, Nate – the pretentious wanker from the choir – runs it.'

'Poetry,' Dr Gary said, creases in his forehead.

'Yeah,' Efnisien said, feeling immediately defensive. 'What's wrong with poetry? What? Do you think it's gay? Because it is? That's valid, man. I fucking hate it.'

'Did you choose the group because you hated it?'

'That's the worst part,' Efnisien said, staring down at his knees and clicking the buttons over and over again on the dice. 'I don't think I do hate it. But I don't know if I can write it. And Nate told me I couldn't be a tourist so I have to write something but everything sounds like honestly the whiniest fucking bullshit. You don't even know, man, you think I'm whiny here, you should see what it looks like when it's in a poem. Oh god. I hate poetry so much.'

'Okay,' Dr Gary said, like he was snapping into focus. 'Let's take a moment so you can focus on your breathing. You seem quite charged up today, and I'd like to find out why.'

'He said he loved me, and then he fucking forgot!' Efnisien exclaimed. 'Like, I mean, I don't blame him, he was seriously half in a coma at the time and was just like... I'd had a nightmare, or a flashback, or something, and he was like being nice to me but then right at the end when he was falling asleep again, he just says it and then bam! He's out. And then the next morning we get up and we've gotta get ready to leave pretty much ASAP, because he's the busiest motherfucker in the universe, and I'm waiting for him to acknowledge what he said, and he's like 'Are you okay? You should have breakfast, I still think we should have called Dr Gary' – because I was like, a 9, or whatever, like that matters – and then I have two pieces of toast for breakfast and he drives me home and now I have to pretend like it didn't happen.'