Falling Falling Stars

40 - Bigger

Notes: Note: Paracetamol = acetaminophen = Tylenol (Panadol here).

I hope you're all taking care of yourselves <333

*

'Um, I wrote out a list,' Efnisien said, bringing out his ragged piece of notepaper after getting settled in the chair. 'Which is maybe dumb. But like- There's some things that are kind of bugging me and sometimes it's hard to remember those things after seeing Arden. And I saw Arden today.'

'That's wonderful forethought,' Dr Gary said smoothly. 'You're always welcome to come in with notes, Efnisien. It shows you're really thinking ahead about the progress you want to make and where you want to make it.'

Efnisien stared down at his sheet of paper, while his brain slowly ticked to a halt and then he looked up.

'Y'know, I completely forgot how much I hated therapy until like, right this moment, and you helped me remember all over again. Like new. Thanks Doc, that's some gift.'

Dr Gary's lips twitched, but he didn't say anything, and Efnisien was a little annoyed that Dr Gary didn't take the bait. And strangely, a little pleased too.

It was a lot easier to bait Dr Gary than to talk about the things he was actually there to talk about. He half-wished that Dr Gary would take over the appointment and tell Efnisien what they were going to focus on. That would be easier.

'We probably won't get to all of this,' Efnisien said, staring at the sheet again.

'That's fine,' Dr Gary said.

'I don't want to talk about most of it.'

'That's understandable,' Dr Gary said. 'Therapy can be challenging at the best of times. You said you don't want to talk about most of it, is there anything that's perhaps easier that you want to start with?'

Efnisien pursed his lips, then nodded once. 'Um, can I...? Can I see Mika again? But with you here? Like last time? Except that I might ask you to leave again, which seems really stupid, because it's your office and maybe I should just be seeing him separately or some shit.'

Except I don't really want to.

'Of course we can organise another session with Mika,' Dr Gary said. 'I have no problems hosting him here as a consultant, and I also have no problems waiting outside for as much of the session as you need me to. It's great that you're choosing an active role in your treatment by recognising when you might need to see a different specialist, and it's normal to not always want me involved in every part of your process.'

Efnisien nodded tightly. He was nervous about seeing Mika again, but he didn't feel right talking to Dr Gary about some of the things he was worried about. Talking about this technically left four things on his list, because he wanted going to talk about how fucking weak he was as a person with Mika.

'I don't want to talk about the rest of this stuff,' Efnisien said roughly.

'You don't have to talk about anything you don't feel ready to talk about,' Dr Gary said calmly.

'Just- You're going to- And it's so fucking- Okay, this one should be easier than the first two at least. I guess. So like- Um. So it's normal for parents to give their kids medicine and stuff when they're having nightmares, right? Like, if you have a kid that won't shut the fuck up, because they're crying or whatever, it's normal to give them sleeping tablets and stuff, right?'

Dr Gary didn't react which meant he thought it either wasn't fucking normal at all, or he was starting to get excited, or maybe both.

It didn't make sense. This wasn't the kind of thing Dr Gary was supposed to Christmas boner over.