Forever

Thirty-Three

"Jane you are so beautiful." Chris whispers into my hair. I laugh, cuddling deeper into him.
"Did you tell him?" He asks. I could lie or I could tell the truth.
"Were you gonna tell me about the invitation?" I ask. Or change the subject, good job Jane.
"I didn't think you would want to go considering the situation at hand."
"Stop thinking for me."
"Well I'm so-"
"No, for once let me think and choose for myself. I actually want to go but you decided to think for me."
"Jay, I was just trying to pic-"
"Just leave. I can do this on my own."
He stands up lowly, pulling his shirt over his head.
"I know he did bad things to you and decided where everything was gonna go and how it was going to happen but ...I have a heart to and I just thought you hated him, for hurting you. But I guess not..you still love him and you still want him in your life. Don't you ?"

I put my head down, not wanting to look in his eyes. Maybe he's right but Chris has treated me so nicely and he takes care of me.
"No..I want you."

"You don't have to lie to me Jay..I know. Just ..call me."

I watch him walk out the door and i feel like I want to cry and puke and eat. What's happening to me.