Forever

Chapter Twelve

I ignore all of Zayn and Chris calls. I feel like I honestly did something wrong. I rub the ring on my finger and stare at the wall. There's envelopes on the edge of my bed. I'm guessing Taylor checked the mail box. I pick up an envelop with just my name and no return address. I rip it open with ease, breathing in as I realize the handwriting. Josh.

DearJane,
MybeautifulJane. How'scollege? Ittookmesometime butIfoundyouraddress. How'severything? Imissyou. HopefullywhenIgetout, wecanbehappyagain. Unlessyou'restillstupidenoughtokeepZaynaround. Iloveyousomuch. I'msorryforwhatIdidanditwon'thappenagain. You'rebeautiful. You'remyflower, remember? Mylittleflower. Youthinkyou'vegottenridofmebutI'llbeinyourmemoryforever. Whenyouliftyourshirtandseethosescarsonyourribs. Whensomeonefiresagun. Evenwhenyoulaybesidethatbastardandthinkyou'resafe. I'malwaysgonnabeonyourmind. How's thatforforever.
                                ~Josh

I throw up. Everything I had in me fills up our bedroom trash can. The tears spill and I can't hold them in. Why is he doing this. Why is he trying to haunt me. The dorm room door opens and Chris peeks his head inside.
"Jane? What's wrong? Why are you crying"
Now I can't stop. I drop my head in my hands and let everything pour out. I hear Chris ball up the letter and trash it. That's not going to help, he's still here. Always here. Josh is forever. These scars are forever. This pain is forever.
"Taylor told me the story," he says. "I'm so sorry."
"I just want to forget...him. That. Everything." I continue to cry in my hands.
"Its not that easy.."
"You think I Dont know?"
"You're tough."
"I Dont know what to do."
I continue to cry until I'm all dried up and out of tears. Chris just rubs my back and makes everything seem okay.

"You wanna get some rest?" He says , after I'm all cried out.
"Yeah..I guess."
I walk with him to the door, drying my face.
"Goodnight, Jay..." He says, kissing my forehead. I put my arms around him and pull him close and I kiss him. He kisses me back and then pulls away.
"Not like this..."
I drop my arms and pull away. I close the door and began to cry again. Everything is just so horrible.