Forever

Forty-one

I force myself to look the best because Taylor made that a rule. I'm pregnant, how could I possibly look any better. I line my Mac lipstick perfectly, a gift from Chris. Chris, I left him without a word or a good bye. I wonder if he's attempted to call me. I pick up my phone and stroll through my blocklist. I blocked him out of anger and I feel terrible. He does care, I'm sure of that. I just put too much responsibility on him.
"Going out?"
I look up from my phone and Zayn smiles, sheepishly.
"Yeah. Taylor's idea."
I turn back to my phone, I haven't been alone with him but now isn't a moment I can actually enjoy it.
"Why didn't Chris come?"
I didn't think anyone would actually ask me that. Taylor didn't even ask.
"I left him. At the dorm I mean."
And in general, be honest Jane.
"Oh. Why?"
"Just did."
I feel like he's invading the only space I have left and the air is being sucked out of the room.
"Did you ever go to the doctor?"
Oh no. Wait, this is my chance. I can tell him.
"Actually, I did and I-"
"Jay! Come on, the hotties are here!" Taylor screams, dragging me down the stairs. I drop my head. Zayn looks at me, as of he's wondering what I was gonna say but now I can't tell him. Maybe, it just wasn't time?

Δ

The "hotties," as Taylor calls them, weren't very smart. Taylor enjoyed them, whereas I wanted to eat and sleep. Zach touched me way too much and it was quite annoying. He's like a giddy little child boy. I had to drag a drunken Taylor to bed and finally got myself a good shower. I'm becoming the party pooper. I let myself slide out the glass doors and onto the beach. I'm wearing a thin dress, I'm not showing so the dress still looks good on me. The air is salty and warm. A cool breeze whistles through my hair and around my legs. Dad would take me to the beach, when mom thought we were too much on her. He would tell me how although the water wears the sand down, the sand still loves it's cool touch. I like that story. I wish he was here to tell it to me now. His big arms hugging me would make everything better. I wish a was little girl again, so grandma could take me to the lake and tell me how boys came from lowest parts; which made their hearts so cold and girls from the deepest part, which made their hearts so warm. All these wishes and not a single genie.
"Its amazing out here at night."
I nod, not opening my eyes. I know that voice all too well but it's not supposed to be here.
"Why'd you leave me?"
I finally open my eyes and sigh. Chris stares at me and I'm not surprised he came, after all, he does care.
"Because I love you enough to let you live the live you deserve." I say. I never thought of that but I like it.
"You're my best friend.."
I laugh, his voice is tiny. He doesn't laugh though and I can tell I hurt him.
"You're my best friend too, but I have to do this on my own. You took care of me too long."
He smiles slightly and it fits his adorable face.
"Can I still share a bed with you?"
This time I laugh louder than before, "I'm tired of things poking me so, no. But you can still love me and I can still love you. Thank you, for everything. You should head back to Talia."
He laughs, pulling me into a hug. It's warm and caring. Just what I needed.
"I'll see you when you get back."
"You too."
I watch him trod away and the stress lifts a little. One problem solved. How many more to go?