Days Go By | lavashipping

***-

After another buzz, Cole glanced at his phone, only to regret it again and hide farther under the blanket. He felt like a snail being poked every single time Kai's name appeared on the screen.

And the worst part was, he had no one to talk to now. The longest conversation he had was with Vania and that could barely count.

"If you want the week off like I offered you, you could just ask."

"No, that's not it, I just really feel awful."

"Okay... I hope you get well soon then."

"Yeah..."

All he wanted was to call Kai and talk to him and hear his voice again and live like he has never been an asshole to him.

But the longer he avoided his messages, the worse he felt and the circle kept spinning round and around.

If Kai wasn't angry with him for the rudeness, he definitely wasn't going to be happy with being ignored. And all those possible scenarios made Cole want to just cease to exist, turn into stardust and run away from all of his problems forever.

All those years, only to find himself in an almost identical situation. Only replace Mum's closet with his own bed and a bottle of whisky with a phone filled with unread messages.

And those memories made him feel even worse because that was something supposed to be long buried. All of it. Everything. Now it was coming back, since it's apparently impossible to run away. Maybe it was destiny, maybe he deserved it.

Kai didn't.

But if they hated him now, what could he do about it? He'll just do what he did back then. Let it fall apart despite how much it hurt and focus on his career even more. Shouldn't be a problem if he already had the experience.

How did he always come to this? Did he subconsciously despise himself so much, he made sure that nothing good could stick with him?

But maybe it would also mean Kai would be better off. Unbothered by the press, unbothered by his own inability to face his problems.

Cole hugged himself underneath the blanket where the air wasn't the easiest to breathe but it was fine, he didn't deserve fresh air anyway. He was torn. And now a new hole was created inside him. As if he didn't have enough of those.