Head in the clouds

Thirty Three- Morgan

Why does he have to be so fucking great with everything? Not only has Theo been the most supportive with the wedding and the family drama and Jake but he sat there for this entire meal with Sandra and her kids tonight, laughing and talking. He had Sonny on his knee for half the fucking meal talking about some Lego film I haven't seen and it honestly made my heart ache. And now we're walking back to the car across town and after one complaint of my feet hurting he insisted on me sitting down and taking my heels off, carrying them for me. I swear I nearly started crying.

I'm not exactly sure how I'm supposed to feel about yesterday. The argument with mum and her telling me I wasn't welcome home anymore was fucking with my head big time. It's such a hard thing to decide on because how the hell do you decide if cutting off your parents from your life is the right thing to do? They're my parents. As much as I hate that they don't support my career, cutting them off is the very very last thing I want to do. But I shouldn't have to put up with the things they do and say, just because they're my parents you know?

I don't know. I was an emotional wreck. Somehow keeping it all under control for the few minutes I was alone every day. Theo was sleeping in my room with me, going back to his in a morning to shower and get dressed and I took the chance to sit in the bathroom and sob for what felt like forever but in reality was probably 10 minutes. I felt a little detached from it really. I'd be booking in with my therapist when I get the chance but like hell this can carry on.

Theo's hand was gripping mine tight and I guess this was where I had to decide about little things like this being public but I just couldn't. This tiny gesture was reminding me I'm not doing it alone and I needed that right now. So, I held him tight in return, hoping maybe the constant need to cry would leave soon.

"That was a fun meal. You're family are mad."

"Hm? Oh. Yeah."

"Morgan, you're really quiet babe. You okay?"

"Yeah. Fine." I laid my head on his arm as we walked. "Just thinking about a song." He shuffled around in his pocket grabbing the car keys as we got into the carpark.

"A new one?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me."

"No can do. It's top secret." Theo's head shook, pulling open the car door for me and only letting go of my hand so I could climb in.

"Top secret like us top secret or like you're an undercover spy who's going to murder the king?"

"Shh. I can't get arrested or my cover will be blown." He smiled, gently brushing my dress out of the way before closing the door. I had a beat in my head and the smallest handful of lyrics running around my head on repeat. When I was struggling with emotions, this was normally what happened. 90% of the songs I wrote when I'm like this will never see the light of day and I'm not sure if this one ever would but I'll just have to see how it comes out when I get back to London and I can work on it. Theo sat down in the driver's seat and I reached to take my shoes out of his lap, earning me a stern look of disapproval and a very slight pout.

"What are you doing?"

"You can't-"

"You're not carrying your shoes Morgs."

"Just let me-"

"Nope." He pushed them between him and the door, fastening his belt before reaching down and pulling my legs over his. "Oh, before I forget. I got a text from my manager whilst we were in the restaurant. They've got me some tickets to this movie premier. We've got 4 at the moment so I've asked to get another and I was thinking me, you, Jas, Ava and Noah could have a fun little red carpet moment. What do you think?"

"What date?"

"Weekend after the Brits. I already checked Noah doesn't have a game and we'd need to be there at like 4 so he'd still be able to do his morning training and then drive over. I know for a fact Jas and Ava are free. Don't ask why, I just do."

"Now I need to know why."

"He was wanting to take her away for a few days, asked for recommendations and I'm going to quote him here 'in the middle of nowhere preferably so I can have her against a tree'."

"EW." Theo chuckled, his free hand gently running over my shin as he drove us back to the hotel.

"Disgusting right?"

"I mean you don't tell people that's why."

"Oh, so you're not grossed out by public sex? Good to know."

"No- that's not-"

"Mhm. You're going to sit there and tell me you wouldn't let me fuck you against a tree in the middle of nowhere babe?" I could feel the blush starting to spread across my cheeks. "Lay you down in a field?" I put my hand on his as he reached my thigh, immediately retreating with a little laugh. "Not tonight. Got it."

"Do you like my brown hair?" His brow furrowed. "You haven't mentioned it once." A question that had been playing on my mind for a while and honestly, I was doubting everything anyway. As much as I loved the change of hair colour, I missed my blonde. At least I think I did. I don't know.

"Haven't I?"

"No."

"It looks good Morgan. You had darker roots anyway so it was bound to. But you'd look stunning bald so." I nodded "Why are you asking now?"

"I kind of miss my blonde. I don't know. I don't feel like myself." I don't look like her either.

"Why not?" I shrugged. "Okay, when did you stop feeling like yourself?" God this got really uncomfortable, really quick. It's like the tension and stress of everything lately was radiating from my bones. The car came to a slow stop. "Relax princess. You're okay. I'm not going to judge you. Talk to me, what's going on in the pretty little head of yours?" I didn't answer, just played with the sleeve of my dress.

"It's getting late."