Head in the clouds

Forty Three- Morgan

I feel like this tour has been going on forever. Every time we neared the end, demand got a little higher and we added more dates and a break and then more dates and it just kept going on. But this was it. 13 months after we started. I'd had a solid 4 months off in that time thankfully but 13 months I'd been living out of suitcases in hotel rooms and beds that weren't mine and now I was so tired and homesick and I still had a long ass flight from LA to get home to my own bed right after the show.

I was so fucking thankful for this job and the support I had whilst I've been doing it. Having everyone take turns to come see me had honestly kept me going but I was so ready for the next year off. After working so hard, it was decided I needed an intense break. No last minute plans to change it. My management team had actually written a contract, refusing to allow me to come back until next year. I laughed about it but honestly, I know if they hadn't done that, I'd be back in the studio next month.

Theo was seriously concerned I was over working myself. He hated it when I'd added even more dates, it causing a huge argument when he himself was at the other end of the world in the middle of his tour. It lasted 3 days. None stop ranting through texts since we couldn't exactly shout at each other without fucking our voices up. It got a little passive aggressive after but we got through it.

I looked around from the middle of the stage, my exit down below the stage under my feet. No matter how long I did this, how many times I climbed on the stage, danced around it, no matter how many albums or awards or streams, nothing made it more real than this. The last night of tour held a special place in my heart for the way it shocked me so much more than every other night.

Staring out at a fully booked SoFi Stadium on the last night of my third tour. Whatever I was doing, it was working. Unlike the last time I was stood like this, taking it all in, I knew now just how much I deserved all of this. I worked so damn hard to get here, to put the work in to get myself where I wanted to be. For me and no one else. And this tour, I feel like I'd finally made it. Whatever 'it' was supposed to be. I'd made it. I was there. I was living my dream life. So much for that unattainable dream huh?

I waved out at the stadium, the stage slowly lowering me down and out of sight. I pulled my earpieces out, starting to untangle the wires from around my back. The quicker I could get out of here tonight and home, the better. Walking with my back arched under the stage had been a pain and I'd be making sure the next tour did not have a centre stage entrance or exit. Not making that mistake again.

I smiled, standing up straight and handing the electrical stuff off to the right people, thanking them and downing the water bottle waiting for me as I headed back to the dressing room. Change into comfortable clothes, drive to LAX, jump on that private jet, stay awake on the plane, land back in Heathrow, taxi to the flat in London, sleep, wake up at the latest of 10am, drive to Bournemouth for the surprise welcome home party I know they're all trying their best to hide from me. That's why none of them could make closing night for the first time ever. It didn't bother me really. It was just work for me. I'd see them all in less than 24 hours anyway and I was getting emotional thinking about it which poses well for me seeing them doesn't it?

I changed, pulling my bag over my shoulder, the rest of my stuff had already been sorted and I wouldn't see it again until I was helping load it into a rental car back home. I just wanted to shut off now. I hit dial on Theo's face time like I did ever night. We were early tonight. The stadium needed things packed up and out of there before the morning so we had to have the show start 2 hours earlier than we had all of tour. It wasn't a problem really. It did mean it was still bright out thankfully.

"Hey baby!"

"Hi." I sunk into the car seat. "I'm so tired." Theo pouted. "Where are you? It's like 5am. You're normally in bed."