I Was Her

Chapter 10

PEONY'S POINT OF VIEW

I cross my legs, put my elbow on the chair desk, and rest my chin in my palm as I watch the girl sitting besides me. I am done now with my essay about how our elementary days went and our expectations of our classmates and our teacher. I didn't expect that the girl I wanted to be friends with would be my classmate. What a coincidence—or maybe faith?

"So, your name is Penelope." sabi ko kasi we didn't get to know each other on the field hanggang sa makarating kami dito sa classroom.

"A Greek word." I exclaim.

"I'm Peony." binigay ko ang kamay ko sa kanya para makipag handshake, hindi siya umimik, hindi niya ako nilingon, inabot niya ang kamay ko, nagkamay kami at bumalik ulit siya sa pagsusulat.

"Parehas tayong letter P ang first letter ng name, interesting, but I was named after a flower, which generally symbolizes love and beauty." I say, smiling, but she didn't say a word. I take a deep breath. at pinaningkitan ang papel niya to read her essays.

"I told you, you had a boring life." nakangising sabi ko nang mabasa ko sa papel niya that nothing special happened in my elementary days, and I had a boring vacation. She stops, flips her paper, takes the notebook out of her bag, puts it on the table, opens it, and puts her paper on it to hide it so that I couldn't read or see it anymore.

"My life is boring too. I have two boring brothers who can't go with my trip. I am one of the boys in my family because I don't have a mother anymore who can go fix my hair, put my make-up on, or do anything girly."

She gently slams the page of her notebook and looks at me, like I said something wrong.

"I can't be your mother." kunot noong sambit niya, I cover my mouth to laugh loudly.

"Of course you can't— you're silly. Just because I want you to be my friend doesn't mean I'm going to treat you like my mother. "

"At least we understand each other."

"Haha, I told you, you were weirder than I am."

"Whatever." she takes a deep breath, crosses her legs, puts her elbow on the top of her notebook, rests her chin, and looks at me.

"So how was it having siblings?" she asks, na para bang nagbigay ako ng isang topic na nakakuha ng atensyon niya.

"Boring. They hate pink and they hate Barbie too. I don't know why people are always referring to the colors of a gender—hindi naman porket color pink is for only girls na. I watch Barbie's movies alone. I can't share with them my thoughts about Barbie's movies or anything about Barbie."

"What's with Barbie? Why are you obsessed with that doll?"

I smile, inalis ko ang pagkakangalumbaba ko sa desk.

"My mom and I used to watch Barbie together. She always told me that if I'm sad, angry, disappointed, feeling alone, or happy—or what-so-ever, I should watch Barbie because when life got tough, she never gave up and was able to find a way out of the difficulty. No matter what obstacles she encountered, she always managed to maintain grace, poise, and positivity."

"So, you're delusional."

Napataas ako ng kilay. "What do you mean about that?"

"I don't want to hurt your feelings or say anything to make you feel bad, but..."

"But?"

"Try to look at yourself. Try to stare at yourself. When you do that. Try to ask yourself anything— anything about you." saglit siyang napahinto, inilibot niya ang tingin niya sa'kin.