I Was Her

Chapter 24

PENELOPE'S POINT OF VIEW

In my past life, I lived in this world where I woke up everyday thinking about killing and torturing my target to get the justice that our client wanted. As if I were a God who must judge and punish them for their sin. As if I were a God who must take their soul and cast them into hell. The only difference is that God is forgiving and we are not. We were raised with no emotions to feel. We must feel nothing but the will to kill. I woke up every day thinking about how I would kill and torture them more meaningfully. I woke up everyday thinking about what kind of death they deserved.

Ang dugo nila ang parang nag silbing tubig pampaligo sa akin. I was taking their lives as I took their sins. I am not a God but a sheep who doesn't have the light to see the path I am taking. I am a sheep that has an owner who never wants me to seek light and guides me to walk the right way. I have someone with me, but no one wants to hold me in their hand. I am a sheep who is lost in darkness and who will never find a way out.

I felt like my life was empty and meaningless as Yara. How important is it in this world to be alive? If you don't like the life you're living. I found my life so unfair back then. I never wanted to be an assassin because I am full of emotions until nothing is felt. I never wanted to kill anyone, but someone owned me. Someone whom I promised not to betray but who betrayed me.

"Your haircut looks great on you."

As I lean my head against the glass window, I look at him. I see him focusing on the road while driving.

"Really? Thanks."

Silence came between us.

"I like your haircut too," I say, looking out the window.

"Really?"

"Yes," I say.

I smile.

"Like, you remind me of someone who used to be mine."

"What?"

"Ha?" Wala sa sariling bulalas ko at napatingin sa kanya.

Saglit kaming nagkatinginan.

"Who?" He asks.

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Who?"

Kumunot 'din ang noo niya. "Ha?"

"Ha?"

We look at each other and we laugh.

"I didn't hear the last part you said."

I take a deep breath. Umiling-iling ako.

"It's nothing."

"Like, you remind me of someone who used to be mine."

Kapwa kami napatingin ni Levi kay Phoebe. Siya sa rear mirror habang ako ay hinarap siya-na tutok pa 'rin sa librong binabasa niya.

"Those were the exact words she said."

"What? Did you have a boyfriend, Penelope?"

I look at Levi while he's focusing on the road. Kitang-kita ko ang pagkakunot at seryoso sa mukha nito.

"Never!" I exclaim.

"The defensive tone in your voice makes it all obvious."

"I should call dad." Dagdag pa ni Phoebe.

Muli ko siyang nilingon.

"What are you going to tell him?"

She takes a deep breath. She puts the book in her lap and looks at me.