I Was Her

Chapter 18

PEONY'S POINT OF VIEW

Nakangalumbabang nakatingin ako sa labas ng bintana, tulala sa ulan. It's raining heavily outside, and I don't have an umbrella to go to the gymnasium for our PE subject. Sana may dalang payong sila Ella at Laura para maki-share ako sa kanila. Ayaw ko namang pumunta sa gym ng basang sisiw, sayang ganda ko.

"Tara na guys." Gina announces in front of the class.

I stand up, napasulyap ako kay Pen, I see her putting her things inside her bag. I look away when she turns to meet my gaze. Awkward. I pack up my things, take my bag, and walk to Ella and Laura's seat.

"Do you guys have umbrellas?" I ask.

"I have, and she doesn't," Ella says, pointing to Laura.

"Ah," I say, running out of words.

They smile at me, take their bags, and I stare at their backs as they walk out of the room. Nakaramdam ako ng lungkot.

I know I shouldn't be feeling close to them. May times na sumasama ako sa kanila sa canteen para makisabay kumain—kahit hindi naman nila ako niyayaya pero hinahayaan nalang nila akong sumama sa kanila.

Alam ko naman they are just trying to be nice to me and pinakikisamahan lang nila ako. I know, kahit hindi nila sabihin, ramdam ko, they don't like me because they find me weird.

I start walking out of the room while my head slightly bends down. I think I don't have a choice but to be wet by the rain. I have no close friends among my classmates besides Penelope, and I am too shy to ask my other classmates para maki share ng payong, ayoko silang ilagay sa awkward situation.

Pen and I are still not okay. Hindi pa 'rin kami nag papansinan. I am so shy to approach her because of how I acted in front of her last time. I am full of regret pero naduduwag akong kausapin siya. I want to apologize to her, but I am overcome by shame.

Napatingin ako sa langit habang nakatayo ako sa gilid ng labasan ng building namin, hinihiling na sana ay humupa na ang ulan.

Napatingin ako sa mga kaklase ko nang buksan na nila ang mga baon nilang payong, hindi ko maiwasang mainggit nang makita ang iba kong mga kaklase na wala 'ring dalang payong pero may kaibigan sila, may kaibigan silang may dala para ishare ito sa kanila. Ako kaya?

Napataas ang dalawang kilay ko nang may magbukas ng payong sa gilid ko, I see Pen standing beside me while holding an umbrella. Napaiwas ako ng tingin at napatingin sa harap.

"Tara." napakurap ako nang magsalita siya.

Napalingon akong muli sa kanya at nakita siyang parang may inaantay.

"Ha?" bulalas ko, she's not looking at me, so I don't know if she's referring to me.

I don't want to assume. Napasinghap ako nang nilingon niya ako.

"My umbrella is big enough for two people, but if you're thinking of running all the way to the gym-maligo sa ulan. I will not insist." she says, looking directly into my eyes, I look away.

I hear her breathe. "Alright," she says; she's about to leave me, but I hold her other arm to stop.

"Don't!" I exclaim, and she looks at my hand.

I take off my hand.

"Pa-share." I say it shyly.

She doesn't say a word and just nods. 

We start walking while I'm beside her. Awkward. I feel the awkwardness between us but there's some point that I feel relief.

Tahimik kaming naglakad, kapwa nag pakikiramdaman kung sino ang unang mag sasalita.