I Was Her

Chapter 11

PENELOPE'S POINT OF VIEW.

I take all my things off my desk and put them back inside my bag.

"Where'd you want to eat?" Peony asks, while packing her things on her desk.

"Here," I say.

"You have a packed lunch and I don't. Let's go to the canteen." she stands up, puts her hand on her waist, and looks at me.

I raise my eyebrows.

"I prefer to eat here with a few people rather than in the canteen."

"But, please?" she looks at me with her pleasing eyes.

I take a deep breath.

That's why I chose not to have a friend.

"You owe me cake."

She smiles and gently points at me with her two index fingers.

"Deal."

Kinuha ko ang paper bag na may lamang lunch box ko and I stand up. She wraps her hands around my left shoulders as we walk outside of the room. I let her do that to me. I let her.

This is one of the reasons I chose not to have a friend kasi kung nasaan ka dapat kasama siya at kung nasaan siya dapat nandu'n ka. Once you have a friend, you have to be with them wherever they go-mapa-bathroom man, kakain or kahit saan, you have to stay together-hindi nila kayang kumilos ng sila lang mag-isa at walang kasama. You also have to be open to each other, you have to share everything that happens in your life—share, share, share— whether it's problems, successes, your joys, secrets or anything else that you guys can talk about.

The thing I don't like most about having a friend is that they will depend on you for anything. I don't want someone who depends on me. Ayoko ng taong hindi kayang magdesisyon ng mag-isa para sa sarili nila. I can give advice, but I can't make decisions for them.

We arrive at the canteen and see lots of students here. Too many people, I hate it. I hate it. I hate crowds. I hate everything I see in this Goddamn canteen. The canteen is big and wide, but I feel so tight here. Never akong naexcite kumain dito. I've never eaten at the canteen before, and this is my first time. I let her bring me here to this toxic place.

The canteen always seems so depressing, with its gray walls and muddy floors. I take in the sights and sounds that are surrounding me—the loud voices, the chaotic lines for the food, and the smell of the greasy burgers. I hesitate, feeling very small and out of place in the chaos.

"Find an available table-wait, what flavor of cake do you want? "she asks, letting go of my hand. Finally,

"Chocolate."

"Alright. Gotta go," she says, walking away from me. She left me at the entrance, alone, stuck and full of hesitation. Too many people, nahihilo ako.

I take a deep breath as I look around the canteen. I don't think there is an available table. I feel so stupid right now. I shouldn't accept that chocolate bar from her. I shouldn't have said yes to this. I shouldn't be friends with her. I shouldn't...

My mind stops thinking when I feel someone's shoulder hit mine.

"What the hell!" may kalakasang sabi ng babae nang mabunggo niya ang braso ko. She looks at me with her mean eyes, puts her hand on her waist, and looks at me from my face down to my feet and up to my face again.

"Bakit kasi paharang-harang ka sa daan? Did you know how much my mom paid for my tweed cardigan? It's from Chanel." madiin na sabi niya sa'kin na para bang sobrang laki ng nagawa kong kasalanan. I look at her clothes. It's a combination of white and pink, and I can see nothing special about it. She looks too girly like Peony—but Peony is much more cute and pretty than this girl, i'm not gonna lie.