𝑆𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑠 // 𝐵𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝐻𝑎𝑟𝑔𝑟𝑜𝑣𝑒

It's A Nightmare

I woke up.

"Jenna."

I wake up to my mom shaking me slightly. It took a while for my eyes to adjust and for my body to process what was going on. She sat next to me on the end of my bed, bags under her eyes and her work uniform on. Usually she didn't go in early but maybe today was different.

She looked like she'd been crying. I thought maybe one of her favorite patients died and she was coming to me for comfort. I moved my head slightly to check the time. 11 o' clock. Later than I usually wake up but last night was like a nightmare.

"Jenna. Honey."

"Yeah?" I rubbed my eyes before propping my self up on my elbows. She looked at me with tired eyes, I haven't seen that look since the night Billy kicked my dad out.

"So..last night." She paused. "There was a fire at the mall."

I stared at her, no idea what she'd say next. The suspense was building up around us and I hated it. Why was she taking so long to get this out? Could it have been that bad?

"A lot of people died, some in the hospital. That's why I had to go in so early this morning."

I furrowed my brows.

"Billy was one of those people Jenna."

My heart drops to my stomach. I look way from my mom before setting my self up against the headboard.

"You mean in the hospital right? You helped him right? He's okay, he's just in the hospital." I stammered out, of course that's what she meant. That had to be what she meant.

"Jenna.." She tried touching me but I backed away.

I throw the covers off of me before jumping off the bed. "Mom that's what you meant right?"

The corners of my eyes begin to dampen, not even seconds later tears were streaming down my face. The taste of salt filled my mouth as I slightly licked my lips.

"He didn't make it." She whispers, she sounded defeated. Her head dropped a little while she stared down at her feet.

I run my hands through my ponytail as I walked back and forth in my room. My mind couldn't comprehend all of this. I didn't believe it. There's no way this is happening right now.

The color of everything just seemed to drain away. My vision blurred just before I drop to the ground, just moments after I could feel my moms around me. I heard her faintly call my name until it felt like it was just me in the room.

Billy's dead?

That's not possible. There's no way. What-

BANG BANG BANG

My mom lifts me up on the bed and grabs my hand. "I'll get it."

I stare at the floor while my mom makes her way to the door.

My eyes quickly circled my rug, circling and circling, I must've circled over 50 times before my mom called my name. I turned my head slightly, first looking at the broken door then back at the door frame.

"Jenna. Someone is here for you." My mom says, standing in the frame. Behind her, someone shorter than her stood with their head down.

Messy red braids.

"I'll leave you two to talk." She says before disappearing into the hallway.

No. I can't look at her right now. My stomach twisted as she stood in the frame, head down.

She then began slowly walking over, once she gets to me she sits down and leans on my arm. My body tensing as she does. "I'm so sorry." She whispers.

Tears filled my eyes once more. I rest my head on hers, silently trying to hold my cries in.

"How'd you hear?"

"Neil told my mom." She tells me quickly but quietly.

I nod and we sit in silence after that. My eyes watched as the tears would drop on her thighs, same with mine. I wanted to tell her something that might help her, but everything in me couldn't form words.

At first I didn't believe it like It's just a stupid prank someone's playing on me, but why the hell would Max be here if it was. She wouldn't do that.

Seeing Max just brought me back to reality. Weird how that works.

"He loved you a lot." She sniffled. I close my eyes and straighten up.

"Max-"

"No Jenna. He did. More than anything on this earth. Yeah that sounds stupid but I could tell. I'm young, I'm not stupid. I take in details." She says, wiping her eyes. "I'm almost positive you reminded him of his mom."

"Max I can't do this right now." I turn my head to the side.

"You need to hear this. You're never going to be at peace, every night after that stupid party I'd hear him throw stuff even break something, followed by cussing and then eventually your name was always shouted. I couldn't get any sleep because of it." She lets out a weak chuckle. "He hated himself for what he did."

I stay silent, trying to take in all of that while trying not to bawl my eyes out. I feel my lips begin to tremble so I turn away even more. A sort of gloom seemed to linger in the air as we sit in silence once again.

I hated this feeling, this feeling I haven't felt since that day we had to throw my dad out. Even then it wasn't even like this. I loved Billy with everything in me. Everything I had. We had our moments. A lot of them actually, too much to probably count. That didn't change the way I felt about him.

"I'll leave you to your thoughts Jenna, just know I'm here if you need anything." She stands as I nod. I fall back into my bed while she leaves.

My sheets start to dampen and the corners of my mouth taste like salt due to the tears that fell down my face. My chest filled with this crushing sensation that'd I'd never experienced in my life, almost making breathing unbearable.

Am I being dramatic?

The only thing I thought could help was closing my eyes. So that's what I did. Maybe I'm not out of this  nightmare yet, maybe I still need to wake up.

It's a nightmare.

It's a nightmare.

It's just a nightmare.