Crescent City Summer

Chapter 40: Insomnia

Desmond was not settling in for the evening. Nothing was working. He worked out, showered, and even tried reading-nothing. He decided to take a stroll and clear his head. If he were being honest, he would rather be with Gabby tonight. He put on shorts and a T-shirt and went to the street. The night was quiet, and the air was warm and breezy. His mind flooded with many different thoughts, but Gabby was at the forefront of all of them.

I shouldn't have told her about Madeline's mom and my mom. I hope that didn't make her feel uneasy. I would give anything to go over there right now just to be close to her. How do I do this? It's getting harder every day. I know I have to be strong not only for myself but for her as well. When I look at her and she stands close to or kisses me, the flame inside me only intensifies. I have never felt this way. I'm sure people think it's infatuation, but it's not. God, you know how I feel. I am trying to do what's right. Gabby deserves this. Is she asleep yet? Should I text her? I want to so bad. I want to hear her voice. No, I want to see her face. She's ten minutes away; I could go over there now. No, I can't. It's two o'clock in the morning. Not a good time for such a thing. I know where that leads. I am too vulnerable right now. I hope she is asleep.

Could I convince her to run away with me and get married? Is it wrong to want to do that? We could always have a big wedding later with our family and friends. Desmond, you idiot, that isn't how it should be. Our families would be angry and hurt if you did that. I need sleep; I need to shut my mind down. I'm losing control. She is the only one who can calm me. Go over there; it's your house. Sleep on a couch, on the floor, in the courtyard. You can handle this; you're a strong man. Don't do this to yourself. You don't have to go upstairs for any reason; you can do this. Do whatever it takes to sleep tonight. If it means being there near her, do it.

No. Calm down. Get a grip, man. Think of what it would do to her seeing you this way. You started this; finish it. She expects of you now, don't blow it. Don't scare her away. She needs you to be strong. I bet she looks beautiful sleeping right now. Her bare face peacefully at rest-what I wouldn't give to see that right now, even for a moment. Go back to your parents and go to sleep. You'll regret not sleeping. Tomorrow is busy, and you don't want her questioning your exhaustion. Breathe, breathe.

Desmond returned to his parent's house and climbed back into his bed. He closed his eyes to open them again. He needed something to help him sleep. While visiting his family, he remembered that she had left a t-shirt when she changed into a dress before they went to dinner one night. He saw it in the linen closet, folded. He couldn't believe he remembered that. He was grateful. He jumped from the bed and went searching for it.

There it is.

It was a pink Louis Vuitton T-shirt. She bought it after she came back to New Orleans. He pulled it to his face and took in her sweet scent. The fragrance was her jasmine and gardenia perfume that still clung heavily to the fabric along with her smell, which was unique to her. Suddenly, he felt calm. It was like she was there. He shut the bathroom light off and climbed back into bed, placing the T-shirt on his pillow. He took in her scent again, and he was fast asleep before long.