I'd Rather Die Than Be in Love

Postcards and Polaroids

"We mean she just got up and left and took a suitcase of things with her" Corey murmured.

"All she said was that she was done" Luke added.

I was speechless, back home Lucia's parents split when she was ten, I still remember how upset she was the next day in school. She would always tell me it was better with her parents separated, there wasn't half as much arguing and she got two sets of birthday presents. That still didn't comfort me, there had never been any signs of them splitting, not until recently.

"Where did she go?" I asked, feeling myself shake.

Both my brothers shrugged, they knew as much as I did about the whereabouts of my Mother. I went down stairs and sat with my Dad, he simply sat and stared out the window. Every so often taking a drink out of his mug.

"Is what Corey and Luke are saying true, Daddy?" I asked, feeling that a little kid.

He stayed silent.

"That you and Mom and splitting up" I said, my voice wavering at the last bit.

"It's not looking good sweetheart" he said, putting his hand over mind.

I blinked away some tears that had gathered in my eyes. I threw my arms around my Dad, I felt sick, just plain sick.

"It'll be okay Dad" I said.

"I hope so" he said, shooting me a weak smile.

I went up to my room, as I shut the door I fell to the ground, sliding down the door. I put my head between my knees, knowing those tears I blinked away earlier were about to make an appearance again. I couldn't believe how I had went from cloud nine to nothing in the matter of an hour. As I sat there, I couldn't help but wonder whether my brothers were taking this as badly as I was.

Engulfing myself in my duvet, I felt more tears come - no matter how hard I tried to be strong. People's parents broke up with it, most people I knew had always said it was for the better. But it was never supposed to be my family.

I heard a knock at my window, I sat up from my bed to see Mike crouched outside my window, standing on the small bit of roof I had under my window. I got up and opened the window, allowing him to be able to come in.

"Hey you forgot this; so I thought I'd better bring it over" he grinned, holding up a bracelet.

"Thanks" I said, holding up a smile for him.

"Holly you've been crying" he said "what's wrong?".

I sat down on my bed and Mike sat next to me.

"My parents, they've split up" I cried, beginning to get hiccups from all my crying.

"Aw Holly" he said pulling me into my arms.

I cried into his chest for I don't know how long, but him just being there managed to make me feel even the slightest bit better. I pulled away, looking at the tears stains I left on his shirt.

"I'm sorry I stained your shirt" I sniffed.

"That's okay, I'm sure your snot will come out" he joked.

I giggled a little. I explained what had happened to him, he nodded throughout the whole thing.

"I know it's hard right now; but it's not the end of the world" he said, wiping my tears with his thumb.

I nodded, I just couldn't imagine my family not all being together. Not all eating dinner together and having to split ourselves between two parents.

~

It was around 7pm now, Mike left a few hours ago for a driving lesson with Vic. I was glad for the time alone, it was time to think - which was something I needed.

I heard to door open and felt my heart fall to my stomach, I ran down the stairs to see my Mom standing there. My Dad stood in the door way of the kitchen, looking how I felt - even though this was probably a million times worse for him.

"Mom what's happening?" I asked, sounding weaker than I wanted to.

I heard my brothers come down the stairs, each standing behind me.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this anymore" She replied.

I watched my Dad look even more broken, if that was possible. I felt my palms become sweaty, I had never felt so uncomfortable with my own family. Luke and Corey whispered something to each other behind me. But I didn't hear what they said.

"Are you not even going to try?" I asked, only getting weaker and weaker.

"I've been trying since we got here" she said back.

"Well try harder" I cried, again feeling like a kid.

"Holly I know you and your brothers have managed to fit in here, but I'm so miserable here" she said back, much in the same tone.

I felt Luke pull me into a side hug and Corey hold my hand comfortingly. Luke seemed okay, but Corey seemed to be trying hard to keep it together. My Dad stood quietly to the side, looking like he was familiar with this fight.

"So what does this mean?" I heard Luke ask.

"I'm moving back to Philly" she said "my life is there, my family, my friends".

"What about us? We're supposed to be your family" I said, raising my voice.

"Look I'm sorry, I'm just going to come back tomorrow morning when we have all calmed down" My Mom stuttered.

And in that moment, I had never resented my Mom more.