I'd Rather Die Than Be in Love

A Daydream Away

It had been a week and a half since I found out. For the first week, I worked on the idea that if I just didn't acknowledge it, it would go away - which it didn't. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hide it, especially since the morning sickness was only getting worse. Worst of all, I had been avoiding Mike like the plague 

and I knew it was only a matter of time before I had to tell him. But how does someone start that conversation? How does someone tell their boyfriend of only a few months that they were pregnant? Or how does that same someone tell their family; who were only just getting over the last drama?

Why did I have to be such a screw up?

I had school in just under an hour, it was hard to drag yourself out of bed when you are battling morning sickness. I was already running late so I grabbed everything i needed and got ready as quickly as possible. I ran out to the street, where mike was leaning at the front of the car - waiting for me I assumed.

"Ready to go?" He asked.

"Sure, where's Vic?" I asked.

"Sick, so I'm driving today" He grinned.

Every time I saw his face it made me remember everything. I'd been having dreams, they definitely weren't nightmares or anything, in fact they were pretty nice. It was a few years into the future; Mike and I had a house together with our son. But most of all we were happy, it was that dream I didn't want to wake up from.

I sat in the car, staring out at the road ahead of us. We had barely said a word since we got into the car.

"Have I pissed you off or something?" He asked, still concentrating on the road.

I felt awful that that's what he thought, but then again if I was him that's what I'd be thinking as well. I tried to think up something to say in return, but I felt my eyes burn with tears and choke up my throat. Mike turned to look at me, looking immediately surprised I had just started crying - I was pretty surprised as well.

"Hold on, let's just go somewhere and talk. School can wait" Mike said.

We ended up back at the park, i guess this was as good as any place to tell him. In the five minutes it took us to get there, I thought frantically over what I would say and all of his possible reactions. I wanted to believe he would stick by me, of course I wanted to believe the best in him. But I still had this small inkling of doubt, I felt bad for even having it.

~

I sat on my usual swing and Mike beside me, I felt sick.

"Babe you know you can talk to me about anything, right?" He said.

I nodded, feeling yet more tears come. I cupped my hand around my mouth to prevent a sob escaping. I was sure my make up was all down my face now, but it wasn't really my biggest concern right now. Noticing me start to cry again, Mike kneeled in front of me. Placing an arm across my legs to stop me swinging and then putting his head on top.

"Please stop crying, you know I'll do anything I can to help" He said.

"Mike, I'm pregnant" I said.

I watched his expression go to understanding, then to confusion and then complete shock. He stood up and walked a few metres away from me, standing with his back to me and his hands in his hair. After a minute or so he walked back, then stood facing me.

"Are you sure? Have you took a test?" He asked.

I nodded, "I took three, they all had the same outcome".

"Oh shit" I heard him mutter into his hands, that were now around his face.

He started pacing now, still muttering curse words under his breath. He walked over to the wall, that separated the park and the streets around it, punching it as hard as he could.

"Fuck" I heard him scream and pull his hand into his chest.

I made my way over, crouching down beside him as he breathed heavily.

"That wasn't a good idea" I said taking his hand and inspecting it.

It was red with some cuts, but other than that fine. I kissed it and entwined our fingers together.

"It's fine, I'm okay" he said quietly.

I nodded, still not letting go - it felt good to be close to him again without feeling like I was lying to him. His hand was a great deal bigger than mine, but yet it still felt like they fit perfectly.

"What about you? Are you okay?" He asked.

"Well I didn't just punch a wall" I said, with a hint of sarcastic humour.

"You know what I meant" He said now looking at me.

"Physically? apart from the morning sickness: yes. Mentally? No" I said.

He pulled me into his arms, my face resting against his cheek. I threw my arms around him also, Mike may be tall. But he was also very skinny, which made putting my arms around him very easy.

"I'm sorry I reacted so badly babe" he murmured into my hair.

I shook my head, "It's a shock, I completely understand".

"Holly?" He asked.

"Yeah?" I said.

"How are we going to be parents at sixteen?"