The Mess I Got Into ( This Is How I Met You ) Jikook

Confession - Park Jimin (Part 2)

“It all fades away in the end.”

Jimin POV -

We stood there, looking at each other, saying nothing. But it was the kind of nothing that meant everything. In his eyes, there was a storm, millions of emotions, unsaid words but he said nothing, nothing that I wanted to hear and I could feel something inside me break. So that was that. We were finally, finally over.

I looked at him, and I felt so sad, because this thought occurred to me: I will never look at him the same way again. I'll never be that guy again. The guy who forgets everything and loves him anyway. I couldn’t even be mad at him, because this was what we are "Best Friends". This was what we have always been. He never disrespected our friendship or bond. He gave all his love to me, not the love I wanted but I was beyond grateful. I felt it in the pit of my stomach, the familiar ache, that lost, regretful feeling only he could give me. I never wanted to feel it again. Never, ever. Maybe this was why I came, so I could really know. So I could say good-bye.

I looked at him, and I thought, 'If I was very brave or very honest, I would tell him.'
I would say it, so he would know it and I would know it, and I could never take it back. But I wasn’t that brave or honest, so all I did was look at him. I don't know when we'll see each other again or what the world will be like when we do. But I wish this pain and feelings would go away by then.

I saw him disappear from my life like a star that fades into obscurity behind a veil of clouds.

Fast-forward

Days passed and taehyung called me almost everyday, we talked for hours and hours. He told me about Jungkook, his new roommate. And yes, I’ll admit, I am jealous. I’m jealous of every minute he spends with jungkook. I know I have no rights to do so. I'm just his best friend and he has every right to be friends with anyone but I can't help and get jealous as I didn't want to share him with anyone, not even as friends.

I do not miss him anymore. But I think of him most of the time. Now that I am trying to fall out of love with him I understand how easier it is said than done. I'll always love him but It definitely doesn't mean that I will wait for him forever. It's time to move on, and I know it won't happen automatically. Letting go is tough. It's close to feeling like dying. But staying around someone who doesn't love you back is tougher, you die everyday. So I need to let it go. It'll take thousands and millions of efforts. I'm gonna try my best, not for anyone but for myself. I need to save myself from this misery.

I was young and didn’t know better and I wish someone should have told me, love is for those few brave and trust me with time I understand I'm not brave as I thought I was because I lost myself to someone I love. I hope I might get myself back one day. It will take time. This is gonna take some time. I'm ready for it. To let it go. To start anew. It'll take time but I'm all in for it.

As time went by, my thoughts slowly got replaced by other important things, my focus turned to career, my studies, family and I started taking them seriously. There are little break-throughs but it will be alright. I'm still best friends with Taehyung but now I don't let this feeling get between our friendship.

I met hoseok, he's genuinely a great guy. Caring, humble, funny and most importantly we share the same interest in "Dance". When Hoseok told me he likes me, I was caught off-guard. I guess he understood the storm going in my head. I couldn't utter a word. It was difficult for me to answer him right there and then. Gladly he gave me enough time to think.

I thought about it, way more than I should. Simply for the reason that it seems like an eternity has passed chasing the ones I loved, and all I have ended up with, is more scars than I thought anyone could take. But there is this person who loves me, loves me. Who cherishes me, supports and inspires me. Do I love him right now? No. Can I love him? Do I see him as someone I could love, as a person, irrespective of the fact that he loves me? Maybe. Should I figure it out? Yes. I will try my best to fall in love with him. I need to find out that I can love him as much as he loves me. He deserves all the love he gives.

I went home and called Taehyung. I wanted to tell him about the Hoseok confession. He said, hoseok is a good guy, and treats me well. So I should go for it and give it a try. After doing a lot of thinking, I thought I deserved to be loved too. I want to try.

I'll give it a try. I want to fall in love with someone but this time rightly and unconditionally. After spending years with hoseok i know he'll take good care of me and my heart.

Hi fam,

Today's chapter is dedicated to someone special -  petalsltched. Thank you so much girl. I swear you made my day, your support and inspiration means a lot for me. Thank you so much.

As promised I'll try to write more and try to update regularly. I'll try my best.