Distance(d) | Sung Hanbin ZB1

Ch.24 It's Always Been You

Eunbyeol pov

I haven't talked to Hanbin since that day at the cafe. Exam week acted as a good distraction, but now that exams are finally over, I know I can't run away from my feelings anymore.

To clear my head, I went on a ring-route bus and sat at the very back of the bus, next to the window. I put on my earphones and played the playlist that Hanbin and I put together. Looking out of the window at the streets, I recalled my conversation with Gunwook.

"Gunwook-ah, how do you know if you like someone?"

"Does your heart beat like crazy when he gets near you or when you accidentally touch each other?" He asked.

I was reminded of the moments when my heart skipped a beat, when Hanbin got extremely close, when he held my hand, and when he pulled me into a tight hug. I've gotten so used to that fluttery feeling that I never tried to process why I still get nervous around Hanbin at times like that after knowing him for such a long time.

"Do you miss him when you don't get to see him?"

A lot. And it's weird because I miss him even though we're seeing each other almost every day at school. We just don't talk to each other anymore. Every time I walk past him in the corridor as if we're strangers, it's like a stab in my heart. I miss him so, so much.

"Do you get jealous when you see him talk to other girls?"

The persistent heartache hiding behind the frustration when I pictured Hanbin dating someone else—the mixture of pain, irritation, bitterness, and anxiety whenever I saw him and Seolah together—so that's what jealousy feels like.

"Was there a time when all you could think about was him, and you couldn't concentrate on anything else?"

Every single moment since the moment we last talked to each other. I was wrong when I said exams were a good distraction; I have never been so distracted from studying.

That's when I realised—I like Hanbin.

Not just as my best friend. I've probably liked him longer than I imagined. It felt odd admitting to myself that I've fallen for my best friend, but there's also a sense of relief that I'm feeling.

But is it too late? Have I lost him to someone else? Have I lost my chance to guard my position as his best friend? He said I'd always be his first priority; does that still stand? Have I missed the opportunity to tell him that I'm in love with him?

Now that I have realised my feelings for Hanbin, I feel like I finally know what I'm supposed to do.

.

The next day, before school started, I asked Jiwoong if we could go up to the rooftop for a quick talk.

"Why do I feel like I already know what you're going to say?" He gazed at me with sadness seeping through his eyes.

I could only feel apologetic towards Jiwoong. He's one of the sweetest and gentlest boys I've met. Unlike his cool and mysterious aura that he gives off, he has such a kind and soft heart. This was probably why it was easy for me to open up to him. Maybe if my heart wasn't occupied by Hanbin, there'd be something more between us. But if I had never met Hanbin, would I still be who I am now?

"I'm sorry, Jiwoong. I've just figured I hadn't actually tried looking into my heart, but now that I have, I realise there isn't space for you."

"I knew that from the beginning, Eunbyeol."

His response slightly took me aback.

"Are you going to tell Hanbin you like him?" He continued with a bitter smile.