Story of Destruction and Chaos

Chapter 11

<DESTRUCTION'S POV>

Chaos and I woke up again at 04:00, extremely exhausted but energized at the same time.

"I hate Hypnos for this," I groaned.

"Hypnos doesn't control our bedtimes, Struct," Chaos retorted tiredly.

"Ugh," I scoffed.

We were sitting in the kitchen, currently holding our sixth cups of coffee as I prepared more coffee in the background.

"I want to put my head through a wall," Chaos groaned, blinking rapidly.

"Same," I yawned, pouring my girlfriend and I another cup of coffee.

I passed her the cup, which she took silently. I took a sip of my coffee and began thinking about random stuff, my thoughts jumping from one random thing to another.

Eventually, I landed on one certain subject.

Now, some background.

When I started dating Chaos, I researched all of the LGBTQ+ stuff I could so that I wouldn't accidently offend her or anything. I also asked her some stuff like her preferred pronouns, and similar stuff.

Now, thinking about it, and myself, I was beginning to think that the boy/girl binary didn't really feel like... me.

I didn't know how to explain it. The 'boy' binary, title, or category, however you want to think about it, felt off to me to be addressed and to think of myself as such.

I didn't really feel like one, either.

So, I started to think back on my research on gender and began thinking about any possible them. I wondered if one of them could fit me.

I started off with the nonbinary category, pretty self-explanatory, and the one category that I felt would hold my answers.

Pangender... it didn't fit me. As I recalled, it was "people who identified as more than one gender," and that wasn't how I felt. Polygender and omnigender had the same base line, just other rules and statements and stuff, which rules out all three of them.

More nonbinary genders... bigender. It was also similar to genderfluid, which, again, didn't fit me. I didn't feel feminine or anything, I just didn't feel like a boy.

I sighed, wracking my brain for more ideas of gender identity.

Finally, something stuck out to me.

Agender.

If I remembered correctly, it was basically nonbinary, people who identified as none of the genders, also called "genderless".

The title felt weirdly natural. I thought about labeling myself as agender. It felt natural, normal, more... me.

This title fit me like a perfect puzzle piece. I smiled a bit with my conclusion. A small piece of irrational anxiety crawled up my throat.

Now, a little piece of information about my stepfather was that he was homophobic and transphobic. He was basically every bad thing you could think of. It took me a load of time to admit that I was bi to myself, even though he has been gone for centuries now.

I still felt disgusted with myself. I didn't feel that way toward others. I mean, most examples come from my mortal life, but still, I've never been disgusted of Nico, or Will, or Piper. And obviously not of Chaos.

I loved her, and even if we weren't dating, I still wouldn't be disgusted.

It was completely natural, it's not like they're not human! It's as natural for them to be who they are as it is for cis, straight couples.