Story of Destruction and Chaos

Chapter 12

<CHAOS' POV>

I had a feeling that Struct was hiding something. I didn't want to push it, definitely not after the last time. I was glad that they still trusted me.

I was happy that they had found themselves. Even if he- they continue to struggle with their mental health, it was always a relief to figure yourself out.

"Struct, what're you not telling me?" I asked worriedly, staring into their eyes.

He- they sunk into the couch in discomfort.

"It's nothing," they murmured, looking down.

"Struct," I said commandingly.

"I have internalized homophobia and transphobia," they blurted out quietly.

I gasped, not knowing what to say.

"Do you need anything?" I whispered instead.

They shook their head and didn't look up. I realized that this was the reason that they had been on the verge of crying this morning.

I gently reached out and stroked their chin. Struct flinched back and drew their legs up to their chest. I had to remind myself once more that they weren't afraid of me, and that it was a reflex of theirs.

I never could get it out of my mind, though. What if Struct was subconsciously scared of me? I shook my head softly, refusing to believe it.

Struct's breathing was shaky. He- THEY seemed like THEY could cry any second.

"I'm sor- I'm sorry," they stuttered out.

"Don't- Struct, it's okay if you want to cry," I whispered softly, biting my lip in worry.

"N-no," they responded quietly.

"Why?" I asked gently.

"Because I'm being too weak," Struct murmured.

"Don't worry about being weak, it's worse to bottle it up," I told them.

Struct let out a quiet whimper-like sound and took rough, shaky breaths.

"Ca-can I tell you why I developed those things?" Struct asked softly.

"Of course," I replied, watching him carefully.

"My- my stepfather used to be transphobic and homophobic. Whenever I did something that wasn't 'masculine' or did anything that hinted even a slight interest in males in any way-" Struct cut themself off with a strong shudder.

I wanted to take vengeance on his stepfather, but knew it wouldn't be possible.

"Struct," I said softly.

I didn't know what to do. I knew not to touch them because it might trigger a PTSD attack, but I didn't know what to do.

They looked up with tear-brimmed eyes.

"Can we go to my room?" They asked in a whisper.

I nodded and took their hand slowly, helping them up and leading them upstairs. Struct was shaking badly and flinched at every sudden motion or even the smallest sound. My hatred grew toward the man who caused all of it.

I opened the door and led Struct in, closing the door after them. Struct sat down on the bed, still shaking horribly. I gently sat down next to them, making sure not to make any sudden movements.

I wrapped my arm around Struct, holding them comfortingly in a tight side-hug.

"I'm sorry for causing you so much trouble," they whispered.

"Struct, you don't. You really, really don't."

"I'm sorry," they whispered stubbornly.

I wrapped both of my arms around him- them, and held them close as sobs wracked their body. They were still trying to hold their sobs in, suppressing them in silence.

"Struct," I whispered nearly inaudibly, "it's okay."

With those two words, they began sobbing completely, all control of his- their emotions lost.

I was also beginning to feel annoyed at myself. Struct was always paying attention to my pronouns and I, and never used a wrong pronoun for me in his- THEIR entire life, but why couldn't I just use their pronouns without messing up? Struct even had my pronouns changing to keep track of, and he- THEY did, and somehow I couldn't use they/them.

I snapped back to the current reality where Struct was in my arms, trying to end their breakdown.

"You're okay, it's okay," I whispered to them, trying to help them in any way I could.

Struct took a few deep breaths, letting themself be weak for once and leaning against me in exhaustion, both physical and emotional.

"Don't worry," I whispered, holding him comfortingly as he slowly fell back into the realm of Morpheus.