N. Chuuya X Fem! Reader: The Territory of Gravity

18 - Slap the Stick

The coffee shop on the ground floor of the agency's building, was a place where many flocked on their days off. This morning, the place was practically packed, with Ranpo, Dazai, Tanizaki, Yosano Kenji and you all lounging in your usual seats.

"We have a new-" 

"No," the six of you chorused, ignoring Atsushi.

"The after-effects......." Tanizaki groaned.

"Classic burnout syndrome," Dazai whined, slumping onto your lap.

"The Guild battle was the fiercest in agency history," you agreed.

"Oh, speaking of which, where is Kunikida-San?" Atsushi asked.

"Upstairs," Dazai yawned. "Oddly, the incident's lit a fire in him."

"I'll have a refill, ma'am," you requested, handing the waitress your mug.

"Sure thing!" She beamed.

"An order of curry here, too!" Ranpo grinned.

"Certainly, on the sweet side, yes?" The waitress checked.

"Ma'aaam...." Yosano groaned. "Something to pep me up...?"

"We don't have hangover cures, dear," she sighed.

"You're the greatest woman out there," Dazai smiled, sitting up.

"You say that to all the ladies, you!" The waitress laughed, slapping Dazai at the back of his head.

"Deserved," you snickered, watching a bruise form.

"Everyone," Atsushi announced, clearing his throat. "We have a report from the military police. After the Guild's defeat, a number of foreign gangs have entered the country, aiming to seize its assets."

"Must be a bunch of bored thrill-seekers, eh?" Ranpo asked.

"Well, I also saw an ex-Guild member on the street yesterday," Atsushi added. "She got away.. but I saw her carrying some kind of metal box."

"Theories, anyone?" You asked.

"They could be plotting revenge and conspiring with those gangs to bomb the Agency building or something..." Atsushi suggested.

"Could the café be in danger then?" The waitress gasped.

"Danger... has a coffee-like bitterness," the shop owner began, preparing a coffee. "To those prepared to deal with it, it can be just as alluring a taste. Your coffee, belladonna."

"Thank you," you smiled, accepting the drink. 

"Wow," Tanizaki awed. "As expected from a well-season thirty-year veteran barista."

"He could wash his hands with soap and they'd still smell of coffee!" Ranpo grinned.

"Well.... I have no other skills to speak of...." the barista sheepishly reminded.

"So classy!" Kenji hummed.

"A classic clumsy, yet elegant man," Dazai smirked, nudging you.

"If you think you're elegant, or classy, then you need to get your eyes tested, dearest," you shot back.

Atsushi choked on his water at the use of the endearment, causing you to burst out laughing.

"Didn't think.. he was... your type," Atsushi wheezed out.

That was enough to shut you up.

This time, Dazai cackled at the irony, while you hid your face out of embarassment.

"Not my proudest moment," you admitted, laughing. "But my standards have improved since!"

With that, all of you left the coffee shop, returning to your respective apartments. The next day, all seven of you made your way downstairs, chattering the entire way. Atsushi opened the door, only to reveal horrors as you walked in.

Chairs lay on the floor, the leather on sofas ripped to shreds. The walls were scratched, glass pieces were scattered all over the floor. There were a few gunshot marks in the wallpaper, as well as splatters of blood.

"Sir!" You gasped, seeing the barista kneeling in an alcove.

"These strangers came in, demanding to see you all," he croaked. 

"Dazai-San!" Atsushi called, fear-stricken. "His finger!"

"This is no grave wound," the barista reassured. "I am glad... to see you all safe..."

"L/N, I'll lead you guys there," Ranpo mumbled. "You strategise, I'll tell you all you need."

It wasn't long before you planned out the mini-battle, with all of you making your way to the gang's territory, Ranpo leading the way.

"Tanizaki-kun," you whisperered, to which he nodded.

He used Light Snow to influence the surveillance footage for all the cameras in his range, while you aimed for the ones further away, 'blinding' them with a move similar to what you'd used on Kouyou not too long back. The light in the area remained unchanging from the camera's lenses, meaning they wouldn't be able to spot any of you.

Tanizaki tightened his grip on your wrist, well aware that you were completely blind for as long as you blinded the surveillance footage. You felt him give a signal to Kunikida, Atsushi and Kenji, the three of them immediately commencing with the plan. Once you heard Kenji tear the door open, you released your ability.

"It's open!" The gang leader gasped, watching all of you trudge inside. "Th-that can't be! There's no way you could've found this hideout!"

"Ranpo-San figured it out in five seconds," Dazai sneered.

"B-but that cameras!" He sputtered, only to find you and Tanizaki reappearing. "My armed guards!"

"We really ought to pay credit where it's due," you hummed, spinning your knife in your hand. "Because thanks to you, we're finally back on our feet."

"It's not over yet!" The leader insisted, making a phone call. "One phone call, and dozens of hardened criminals will come to-"

"You teed off the Armed Detective Agency?" The voice on the other line asked. "Are you crazy?! Even if we had a hundred lives, it still wouldn't be enough to beat them! We're outta here!"

The man turned to face you, shuddering at the words his subordinate had uttered.

"So, I hear you tear off people's fingernails," Yosano whispered, creeping up behind the leader.

He immediately lept and fled, whimpering at the fear your doctor managed to induce in him.

"Whew, I feel much better now," Dazai sighed once you'd all returned to the coffee shop.

"So... what kind of assets did the Guild leave behind anyways?" Tanizaki asked, taking a sip from his tea. 

"There aren't any," Dazai shrugged.

"None at all?" Tanizaki checked, surprised.

"Another guy's already seized it all," Dazai groaned. "I'm sure the gang was working off the false intel he spread..."

"Then what happened to the surviving Guild members..?" Atsushi asked.

"Oh, there you are!" The waitress beamed. "I need to introduce you all, to our newest worker!"

All of you glanced at the door, where a familiar redhead was. Though, as soon as she glanced at Atsushi, she threw her suitcase at him.

The rest of that week went by slowly, with very few cases coming up. The most interesting thing that had happened was the director of Atsushi's orphanage dying, which resulted in him being put out of action for a while. Meanwhile, you spent your days meeting old friends, or alone in a nearby bar.

You could sense that something big was coming up, grander than anything you'd ever experienced before. And somehow, your solution in times of stress such as this, was to revert back to old habits and deal with it the way you'd always done. Or rather, the way you'd done before befriending Chuuya.

By processing alone.