will byers x male reader.<3

chapter 43- why didn't you tell me.

We decide to go back to their house and once we get there a group of people who apparently know what is happening with eleven and what's going on in Hawkins are waiting for us. We all go inside and they try to explain to us what is going on.
"I'm sorry I guess I'm having a hard time understanding this. I mean what exactly is going on in Hawkins? What's doing these killings?" Jonathan says.
"That's what we're trying to ascertain." The women who works with them says.
"Where is El like right now?" Mike asks.
"For her safety it's best if you don't know."
"This is insane! This is insane!"
"So this training to get els powers back, how long is it gonna take?"
"It could take weeks, months."
"Months?"
"Until then agents Harmon and Wallace will stay with you."
"We're not the ones in danger!"
"Our friends live in Hawkins!" Will says.
"My family lives in Hawkins!"
"And I'll work to contain the situation until eleven is ready. In the meantime, it is of vital importance you do not speak to anyone about this."
"No. No way!"
"I know this is difficult to understand -"
"It's not difficult. This is impossible."
"There are fractions within our government who are working directly against eleven who are in fact searching for her as we speak. We can't risk contact. If they learned about any of this it will jeopardize eleven. And if eleven is jeopardized so are your friends. And so is your family."
"So what are we just supposed to trust that you're the good guys? Whoever you are?"
"We're friends of Owens. Eleven trusted us. Now we're asking the same from you. For you and you." She says giving me and Mike a letter.
I go to wills room to read it.
Y/n, I'm writing this letter to let you know that I am okay. Owen said that he used me getting into prison as a way of contacting me. He says most people are after me so I believe it is safer if you arent here. I insisted for you not to get dragged into this madness about powers. They agreed on letting you stay there if I would follow direct orders and train to get my powers back.
Whatever you do please don't try to get back your powers, if that does happen it means you will also be searched for and would be in danger. Don't worry about me. I can handle this.
From eleven.
I wipe away the tears from my eyes and put the letter on the desk. My breathing starts to get shaky and my hands start shaking. I feel a panic attack coming so I go to the bathroom and lock myself in.
I sit on the ground leaning against the door as I silently cry trying to calm myself down. I go back to wills room and get my razor from my bag then lock myself in the bathroom again.
Why is she the one being searched for? She doesn't deserve this I wish I could help her and be there for here. I know what it's like in the lab and I wouldn't want to even think of being dragged there again. I feel so bad..
I don't deserve to be here.. I don't deserve to be with my friends and wonderful boyfriend. He deserves more than me.. I'm just a broken and pathetic guy who shouldn't be alive.
I start cutting my arms and after like 30 cuts I don't have any space left to harm so I stop myself from going on and quickly bandage my arm.
I wash my face and go back to wills room to see him walking in looking for me.
"Hey love." I say with a forced smile.
"Are you okay?" He asks walking over and sitting next to me on his bed.
"Yeah I'm fine don't worry about me."
"You know I always worry about you."
"What about you? How are you?"
"I'm gonna be ok. We're gonna get through this. Things will end up ok. They always do.. right?"
"Yeah.. I think so."
"It's late do you want to eat dinner?"
"I'm good, thanks. But you should go eat something."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah."
He goes downstairs and I just lie down looking at the ceiling.
WILLS POV:
I walk downstairs and see Jonathan and Mike making sandwiches.
"Hey, how's y/n?" Mike asks.
"He's ok."
"He's not gonna eat?"
"No, he's tired."
"Oh.." mike says with a worried expression.
"What?"
"Nothing it's just I've noticed that y/n doesn't eat much when he's not feeling well or when he uh.. whatever I'll talk to him later."
"When he what?"
"It's nothing.."
"Mike if something's going on with y/n you have to tell me."
"It's just I kinda promised him I wouldn't tell anyone. Especially you."
"Dude, now you have to tell him." Jonathan says.
"Fine.. it's just, I've noticed that he doesn't eat much when he's not feeling well but mostly it's when he has bad panic attacks. He doesn't handle them well."
"What do you mean?"
"He cuts himself.. like a lot. I found this out last year and it can get pretty bad.."
"W- what? No, y/n would've told me. He would've told me! ..Right?"
"He didn't want to tell you because he thinks you would think he's weird and hate him which I know isn't true at all but he just sees himself as annoying and doesn't want attention. He thinks he doesn't deserve basically anything.. Lucas and Dustin also know about this. I think max does too but I'm not sure."
"Why didn't you tell me?! I could've helped him! I could've been there for him you've known for this long and never said anything? What if he tries to kill himself and I didn't know?"
"Look man I'm sorry but i promised him I wouldn't say anything-"
"I need to go talk to him."
I go to my room and see him still laying down but now listening to music.
He sees me walk in and takes off his phones.
"Hey will- are you okay? What happened?" He says walking up to me and holding my face softly after he sees I'm crying.
"I'm okay.. can I ask you something?"
"Yeah, of course."
"Mike told me everything.. about your panic attacks.. is it true?"
"..What-" he says going pale.
"Do you really cut yourself?"
"..n- no why would you think that?" He says, holding his sleeves.
"Then show me."
"Will-"
"Please y/n show me your arms.. I need to know if you're okay."
"Will please don't-" he says as I gently hold his hand and roll up his sleeves.
His entire arm is bandaged up with some blood stains on them.
"Y/n.. what did you do?" I say with tears running down my face.
"No please don't cry will, fine I'll show you just don't cry."
He takes off his bandages revealing his arms covered in so many cuts I genuinely couldn't see any space that isn't harmed. He had hundreds of cuts on top of each other all over his arms.. some which are very deep.
"Love.. why didn't you tell me?"
"I'm so sorry will I know it's pathetic and it's probably me just overreacting please don't be mad at me-"
I pull him into my arms and hug him.
"Y/n.. I'm not mad at you. And I would never think those things of you. You're the most important person in my life and I can't lose you. You've been through so much over the years.. Im sorry I didn't make you feel comfortable enough to talk to me."
"It's not that.. I just didn't want you to worry about me. I mean so much shit happens with us and you also go through so many things I just don't want to be another bad thing you have to deal with in life."
"Y/n you are the best thing about my life, nothing can change that. You make me so happy everytime I see you. You make my days better and make life worth living. I couldn't make it without having you by my side. I love you so much. Please just promise to tell me about these things. Talk to me. And if it ever gets that bad again come to me please."
".. I'll try. I love you too will. So much."
We lay down on my bed and I cuddle with him.
"You need some rest love."
"I love you will."
"I love you too."
After a while we both fall asleep.