Prettiest Lie - A Taekook Love Story.

49 - A Storm Is About To Hit..

Seokjin looked up from where he's sitting, when a cup of steaming coffee obstructed his view of the floor. Namjoon gave a soft smile, a one that Seokjin wanted to return, but couldn't. His lips refused to curved up in to even the smallest smile, no matter how hard he tried. 

So, he silently took the cup, noticing for the first time how cold his hands were, when they slightly brushed against Namjoon's warm ones. 

Namjoon had a coffee cup of his own, and they both silently drank. He didn't want to break whatever the truce they were having. It definitely beats getting yelled at by the elder doctor. Nor did he want to make Seokjin uncomfortable by asking questions, he was content with offering his support silently like this. 

"When I was 19, I realized I was gay."

Namjoon snapped his head towards Seokjin, who was still staring at the floor. The voice was so soft and quiet, that Namjoon first thought he imagined it. But then, Seokjin started to speak again. 

"I… uhh.. fell in love with my best friend. Geun and I had been friends since we were in diapers. We were neighbors and our dads were business partners. We practically grew up together. There wasn't a time where you could see one of us without the other."

"I don't know when my feelings started to change from friendship to something else. There wasn't a drastic change, you know. Or a light-bulb moment. Maybe it changed gradually over the years and I just didn't realize. One day, when a girl in our school gave a valentine's day card to him and he accepted it, that's when it suddenly hit me. I was in love with my best friend."

"I was so naive about the world that it didn't even feel wrong to me. I always thought we'd be together forever, it didn't change anything for me when that together had a romantic notion added to it too. So, one day, I confessed to him."

Namjoon listened silently all this time, but when Seokjin's hands started to shake where they were wrapped around the coffee cup, Namjoon couldn't sit still anymore. He cautiously put his arm around Seokjin's shoulders, and pulled the latter into his embrace. Seokjin moved pliantly, resting his head on Namjoon's shoulder. The rhythmic moving of the younger's breathing managed to dull down the ache in Seokjin's own heart. 

"I honestly thought he liked me too. Well, maybe he did, but was just afraid to say so. I can't blame him, given what happened afterwards. He was smart to reject me. Love or not, he was still the person I cared about the most in the world. And at that time, I was glad he didn't had to go through what I went through."

"I think he just panicked. He called me names. Called me a freak and disgusting. He also told his father about what happened, which is the part I couldn't get my head wrapped around. He knew what he was unleashing on me by doing that. He had to know."

"His father called mine and… Well, my life has never been the same. To put things mildly, I got kicked out of the house. Luckily, one of my aunts took me in, let me continue with my education. She died when I was in medical school. Been alone ever since." 

"My father is homophobic, in case you didn't get that with his outburst earlier." Seokjin gave a humorless laugh. "I don't think my Mom feels that strongly about it, but she would still not say a word against my dad. Not that I wanted her to. For a long time, I hated myself. I now know I'm not a sick or a disgusting person but the 19 year old me believed my father when he said I was one. I believed that I was an abomination that didn't deserve the air I'm breathing." 

"I hated myself so much that when my best friend found the courage to face the truth, I abandoned him. When he refused to get engaged to the girl his family chose for him and came to my doorstep two days prior to the engagement, I kicked him out. I fully believed myself to be the sick person my dad spoke of. I wanted to get cured. I wanted to be better. I wanted to be his son again."