Freefall // Hyunlix

Cuddles and Coffee

Hyunjin felt trapped. He was at a crossroad and both sets of lights were on green. Does he take a risk and trust in Chan, or does he carry on as he has been? He was a survivor, he knew that much, he wouldn't allow this pain to take him. But how much longer could he go on for? But would confiding in Chan cause more problems than it was worth? In his mind Chan wasn't a trustworthy source. Would Chan betray him? His future was shrouded in doubt, questions pressed into his mind like a deadly plague. The road to recovery is said to be hard and did he have the willpower to go through with it?

Ultimately, his head won the battle. Despite being an emotion fuelled person, there were too many turbulent emotions cascading in Hyunjin's brain for him to fully lean into Chans plight. He brought himself to look at the older before uttering words which shattered the pair of them.

"I don't need your help Chan. It's all just a big misunderstanding, I'm fine and will continue to be fine. Please don't worry yourself about me, I can't explain my behaviour to you but trust me- I'm ok"

Chan didn't buy it for one second. He noticed the tears brimming in his dongsaengs eyes, Hyunjin's body was trembling and there were beads of sweat glistening on his forehead. Chan knew that this wasn't over and that he'd have to keep a closer eye on Hyunjin but he'd fight any day for his members. This battle may have been lost tonight, but Chan was determined to win the war. Seeing the exhaustion on the younger's face, Chan bid Hyunjin good night and left the room without looking back. Hyunjin was sobbing uncontrollably. That was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do and he hoped that it would buy him enough time to figure out what to do next. After around 15 minutes had passed, he got up and got himself ready for bed.

Hyunjin entered the cold bathroom and did his nightly skincare routine and lightly brushed his teeth. He still felt like shit and didn't want to push it too much. Pulling out the scale from the back of the cupboard, Hyunjin couldn't help but notice a guilty feeling wash over him. The day was wasted, he hadn't worked out once, he spent all day resting and there was no way he hadn't put on weight. What an embarrassment. Stepping onto the scale, the wait for the truth felt too long. Looking down, a harsh reality fell before Hyunjin. 134 lbs. Everything he'd done was for nothing. He'd gained weight again. Fucking pathetic. With a sigh and a silent promise, Hyunjin returned the scale to its original spot before turning in for the night. He got into bed and switched the lights off, reminding himself that tomorrow was a new day and that he could make up for his terrible mistakes then. There was a knock on the door and Hyunjin was ripped out of his self deprecating thoughts. Jeongin stuck his head around the door and Hyunjin facepalmed internally. He'd totally forgotten about the maknae staying with him and now he'd have to be even more careful about falling asleep. Welcoming in the tired boy, Hyunjin shifted over to allow room for them to cuddle. As much as he hated skinship, he loved nothing more than teasing his younger brother with cuddles. He knew that Innie didn't like them equally as much as him so it was fun to get a reaction. Tonight however, the pair could sense that neither one was up for much fun. Settling down next to his Hyung, Innie sighed before closing his eyes. He reached out and held his hyungs hand tiredly, he just wanted some sort of comfort while he slept. Hyunjin was seeking something similar. He was feeling really vulnerable at the moment and he just wanted the warmth of another human. Without thinking too much, Hyunjin reached out and pulled his dongsaeng into a tight hug. Neither boy bothered to move and they slowly let the sweet spell of sleep drift over them.

The next few days passed without any issues. Hyunjin was slowly becoming aware of how the members were watching him but they all feigned innocence when confronted. He noticed himself becoming better at lying, concealing his diet was no easy feat especially under such watchful eyes. The calorie restrictions worked though and Hyunjin found himself happier than ever. Having dropped below 130 lbs he was no longer a liability and he was slowly on the road to his goal weight! It seemed everything was going well for Hyunjin. The group went about their activities as usual, working like a well oiled machine. 3RACHA managed to finish editing several songs for their new comeback and Danceracha had just added the finishing touches to the choreo for the new title track. Chan and the managers were due to have a meeting today to discuss SKZ's future and to talk about potential changes that the management wanted to implement.

Hyunjin woke up groggier than usual. Last night's dance practice had taken a heavy toll on him and he wasn't looking forward to his schedule today. The dreaded doctors appointment approached and it was followed up with a gruelling group dance practice. They were working with an outside choreographer, something which usually excited the boy. Hyunjin couldn't help but dread the day, he had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and it just wouldn't go away. With a small groan, he rolled his aching body out of bed and threw on an oversized hoodie and some cargos. He completed his look with a set of silver jewellery, his custom rings and a baseball cap. He strolled into the kitchen and turned the coffee machine on, which Felix bought him for Christmas. He appreciated the gift so much and that he found himself being the boy's personal servant for a week. Chuckling at the memories, Hyunjin poured the steamy beverage into his travel cup before walking to the hallway to put his shoes on. Rummaging around in his bag, Hyunjin tried to locate his headphones. Shit he must've left them in his room. What a Pabo, he thought. He quickly kicked his shoes off and sprinted back to his room, grabbing his headphones before darting back to the door. With a slight panic he tied his laces before opening the door to leave, shutting it behind him with a quiet thud. He'd made it a mere 50 meters down the hall when a voice called out...

"WAIT"

Hyunjin turned around sharply. He was met with a small figure sprinting towards him, carrying a heavy bag and two face masks.

"Did you really think you could go without me Jin?" Felix gasped. Running wasn't his strong suit and their mere 50m sprint had him out of breath easily. He handed Hyunjn a facemask and slipped on his own with a grin.

"Thanks Lix, but you didn't have to come. I know you have a really busy schedule at the moment." Hyunjin said quietly, sipping his coffee.

"I wanted to come." Felix whispered, taking Hyunjins hand into his own. "Besides, I know how scared you are of doctors and I thought you could use some company to take your mind off things."

Hyunjin was too tired to form a sentence and instead opted for a non committal hum. The pair walked hand in hand until they reached the dreaded building. Felix could feel Hyunjin freeze and his own heart rate quickened. He began to drag the elder closer to the building. Hyunjin was in some sort of trance-like state and there was no way he'd be fit to answer doctors' questions like this. The automatic doors opened at once, recognising the pair's presence. Hyunjin's nose was smacked with a pungent smell, there was a mixture of strong bleach and floral scents but the subtle metallic tang of blood was subtly present too.

<Hyunjun>

I could feel myself being dragged somewhere, my legs were working willingly but my mind was elsewhere. I couldn't help but think back to why I was having this appointment, why the doctor would want to see me and what the blood tests may reveal. I heard Felix conversing with the receptionist but I couldn't get invested in the conversation. Worry began to cloud my mind once more, my fears bubbling to the surface waiting to explode. My body was pulled again to a secluded waiting room and I was pushed into a chair. Felix was squeezing my hand, trying to comfort me as best he could but I was honestly shitting bricks.

"Mr Hwang?"