Freefall // Hyunlix

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<Hyunjin POV>

It was 11pm when I decided to move. I had sat on that couch for far too long and my body was stiff and aching. With an audible groan, I shifted my weight onto my feet and began mindlessly walking to the bathroom. Turning the water on, I allowed it to run for a few minutes while I undressed. The mirror was a harsher critic than usual, for the first time in a long time I hated myself. The way fat rolled over every bone in my body, my stomach slightly sticking out, my chubby cheeks. FAT. FAT. FAT. I hate myself. I hate the way I look.

I was angry with myself. How could I be so blind? I tore my gaze off the mirror and stepped into the shower, cranking the temperature all the way up. Hot water burned against my skin, but I didn't care. I deserve this pain. I started my usual routine of washing my hair, vigorously scrubbing at my scalp to get the dirt off. After repeating the process twice, I rubbed conditioner onto the damaged ends of my hair and let it sit for a moment, as I got lost in my thoughts. That's when I heard them.

"You thought you could escape us Hyunjin"

"No..." I thought. I hadn't heard the voices in 3 months.

"How naive, how stupid. You can never escape Hyunjin. Never. We're part of you whether you like it or not. "

"Leave me alone" I whimpered, raising my hands against my ears.

"How could you let yourself fall apart Hyunjin. We worked so well together before. Now look at you, a disgrace. How did you get so fat? So worthless? So disgusting?"

"I'm not... I'm not. Please forgive me" I sunk onto the floor, curling up on myself. My eyes fell onto Chan's razor, thoughts clouded my mind as I unknowingly engaged in my most deadly battle.

"Do it."

"You're worthless Hyunjin"

"Do it."

"This will help you. This will make everything okay again."

But why? Felix would be so disappointed in me, the members would be sad. I would break their hearts.

"You don't deserve to be here, so do it Hyunjin. What sort of a man are you?"

I paused for a moment as my blood ran cold. I felt my hand reach for the blade and I turned it in my hand, contemplating everything.

"You won't disappoint them, you know, they already hate you. You're no longer a member of Stray Kids, why would they care what you do?"

That was it. The straw that broke me. After everything I've been through, all the work I had put in to make myself feel better, all I was doing was making myself worse. I could see that so clearly now. I felt so ashamed, so embarrassed, so guilty. I looked down at the blade in my hand and gripped it tightly, slicing it across my sickeningly fat thighs. Beads of blood bubbled on the surface before being washed away by the boiling water.

"Pathetic"

The blade slashed across my thigh.

"Worthless"

SLASH

"Ugly"

SLASH

"I hate you"

SLASH

"I hate you"

SLASH!

"I HATE YOU" I screamed out as the blade ripped through my skin for the final time. It felt amazing.