10 minutes later, Hyunjin had calmed down. It wasn't his fault he had thrown up the tube, these things happen sometimes and it was okay. He tried to brace himself for the discomfort but nothing really helped. Hyunjin took a deep breath and squeezed his eyelids shut as a tube entered his nose for the second time. The horrible sensation followed and he was crying again, but it was okay, he had to push through. Hyunjin found himself gripping onto Felix tightly as the specialist guided the tube towards the back of his throat. Hyunjin really didn't want to throw up again. As the tube went lower and lower, Hyunjin was handed a cup of water with a straw in it. "Drink this, it will help" the specialist said softly. Placing the straw to his lips, Hyunjin began to suck, the cool liquid helped guide the tube down his throat. He still felt incredibly uncomfortable but it was nearly over now, he was almost there. A minute or so passed of torture before the specialist finally stopped, the tube was at its end and the position needed to be checked.
"We are going to take an X-ray to ensure the tube is in the correct position. Felix and Dr Choi, if you could please leave the room for a moment it would be appreciated." The specialist said as Dr Choi started to exit the room. Felix whispered his goodbye and followed the doctor, both boys stood on the other side of the two way glass wall watching as Hyunjin had his X-ray. Within minutes, they were given the all clear to come back in and Felix rushed to Hyunjins side, grasping his hand again. The specialist finished taping the tube to Hyunjin's face and gave the doctor instructions on what to do should it get blocked or they have any issues with it. Without another word, both the specialist and the nurse left the room followed by Dr Choi.
Felix took this opportunity to climb into bed with Hyunjin, cuddling up to the raven like a teddy bear. "I'm so proud of you Jinnie, you were so brave. That looked awful. I'm so sorry you had to go through with that, but I'm proud of how you handled it."
"Thanks Lix" Hyunjin said with a small smile.
The duo spent the next few hours enjoying each other's company before 5pm meal time rolled around. Hyunjin wasn't hungry. Or at least he pretended not to be. In reality his body was screaming at him for nutrients, for something to sustain it. But he was too sick to care, or in Hyunjin's own view, undeserving of food. Felix managed to order a small sandwich from the canteen and a jelly for dessert. Hyunjin watched as Felix ate, tears forming in his eyes.
"What's wrong baby?" Felix asked worriedly. Hyunjin just broke down under his angel's wing, not caring what he thought of him.
"How can you just eat without worry, without care. I want to eat so badly but I can't. My head, it torments me Lix. It calls me worthless, ugly, fat, I shouldn't be eating. I'm not deserving of food." Hyunjin sobbed loudly.
Felix paused, his heart shattering. Did his love really think that way? "You think you don't deserve to eat Jin?" He stammered out, swallowing dryly.
"Yeah. I don't." Hyunjin said venomously.
"Could you tell me why you think you don't deserve to eat baby?" Felix was trying to coax an answer out of the older, it would be another piece of the puzzle. Another way in which Felix would be able to help him, to save him from his mind, to stop him from falling.
"Look at me Lix. I'm fat. Unbelievably so. I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm worthless. I'm meant to be the visual in Stray Kids and yet my appearance is disgusting. I can't even look in the mirror without being reminded of how much of a disappointment I am. Can't you see it in my body?! The way my thighs rub together when I walk, the way my double chin hangs out, the way my face looks like a balloon, the way the fat rolls off my stomach, even my arms have damn bingo wings. I'm pathetic. The only reason I am in Stray Kids is because of my looks and now... I don't even have that anymore. What is the point in me eating food Lix? I don't deserve to eat when I look like that, when I look like a monster. " Hyunjin finished disgustedly. He looked down at the floor, bitter tears welling in his eyes. He hated himself.
Felix didn't know what to say. Hyunjin poured his heart out to him and he was so grateful for that. He reached up, cupping the older's face with his tiny hands. Felix stared into the chocolate brown orbs and caressed Hyunjin's cheek slowly.
"Jinnie, I have something to tell you." Felix began, a nervous pit forming in his stomach. "I love you. I really truly love you. I fell for you the first time I laid eyes on you. I didn't even know I was gay, but you just took my breath away. I am captivated by your existence, I feel safe when I am with you, I feel happy being by your side. I want what's best for you and it kills me to see you hurting. I guess that's why I always clung onto you, I wanted to make you happy and to protect you. I love you so much the world couldn't give me enough words to describe it. I love the way you look at me, I love the way your eyes shape like moons when you're happy, I love your energetic laughter, your dramatic behaviour. I love your body, every single inch of it. You are perfect Hyunjin. Perfect. And if you can't love that, then I have more than enough love for both of us. You are so special to me, so precious. You make me so happy Jinnie, I feel butterflies when I'm with you. Don't you dare tell me you don't deserve to eat. Don't you dare tell me that you are ugly, worthless or pathetic. You are the most beautiful man I have ever met and I am so utterly grateful for being allowed to be by your side. You mean alot to me Jinnie, more than you even know. "
Felix paused, looking at his crush. His confession just slipped out, he didn't know how the older would take it but he had to make sure Hyunjin knew he was loved. He had to make sure Hyunjin felt good about himself. The raven was blown away by Felix's confession. It was everything he'd ever wanted, more than he'd dreamed of. Hyunjin felt stupid for not having the courage to speak up first.
"I love you too Lixie. I really really love you." Hyunjin's eyes lit up as he said this, a shy smile showed on his face. Felix could tell how sincere Hyunjin was and he felt butterflies over the new pet name... Lixie. He liked it alot.
"Felix, would you be my boyfriend? Only if you... um want to, of course." Felix was over the moon. Butterflies wreaked havoc in his body, he let out an excited squeal before jumping onto Hyunjin wrestling him in a deep cuddle.
"Yes! Yes! Yes! I'd love to be your boyfriend Jinnie!"
The duo was ecstatic, any negative feelings had been forgotten. Love shrouded the pair and they found themselves getting lost in each other's eyes, hard tension reeled through the room. Felix found his hand reaching up to Hyunjins face. His fingers stroked lightly along his love's plump lips, he loved the way they felt, the way they moved, gosh he was perfect. He had to have them. Without warning, Felix smashed his lips against Hyunjins, kissing him passionately. Instinctively, Hyunjin wrapped his arms around the chicks' waist, gripping him tightly and he fought for dominance. Felix had his arms around the older's shoulders, trying his best to be the dominant one, biting down seductively on those plump lips. Hyunjin was no expert on kissing and so he allowed Felix to take the lead this time. He felt the beautiful boy's tongue slip inside his mouth, uniting with his own. Hyunjin felt butterflies and it made him blush. Hard. The kiss seemed to go on for an eternity, neither getting enough of the other, each working in perfect harmony. They were fated to be.
Felix pulled away for oxygen first and glanced shyly at the older, panting slightly. Hyunjin was a mess, but as for a proper first kiss, it really couldn't have gone any better.
"I love you Lixie."
"I love you too Jinnie"
YOU ARE READING
Freefall // Hyunlix
RomanceHyunjin is falling, the silent struggle is too much for him. Will he be saved before it's too late? Hyunjin, member of the successful group Stray Kids, is going through a difficult time. They've just had their whole world shaken up and Hyunjin is s...
