Freefall // Hyunlix

Downward Spiral

Hyunjin couldn't help but feel left behind, disregarded if you may. It seemed to the boy that everyone forgot he was struggling. Don't get him wrong, he didn't like the feeling of his every move being watched. But why couldn't there be some sort of middle ground? He went from constant monitoring to being ignored overnight and Hyunjin couldn't help but think what he might have done wrong. Maybe the members were mad at him?

Over the next week, Hyunjin worked hard. His head was screaming at him, the voices unrelenting. He woke up early every day and went to the studio to work on his vocals, before executing his schedule as normal. He'd always manage to squeeze in an extra gym session and a dance practice just to keep himself busy. He wanted to prove himself, he wanted to keep up with the rest of the members. Working hard didn't seem to allow time for sleep and Hyunjin found his body started to change. He woke up everyday with unrelenting stomach pains, his vision always blurred when he stood too fast, his mind began to torment him more than usual and he couldn't even bring himself to look in a mirror anymore. But it was all worth it. After all, beauty is pain. The only time Hyunjin would get any attention from the members was when he had to take his medication. He began to resent it. He wasn't afraid anymore, instead finding the pain pleasurable. Why would he have to be suffering for the members to talk to him?

That week Hyunjin started to lose the battle with his mind. Every moment he spent resting, voices hurled themselves at him, spewing nasty hateful remarks. He found himself slipping worse into his eating than ever, refusing to eat any meals. Whatever calories he consumed could come up just as quickly as they entered his body. Hyunjin hated himself. He hated that his mind drove him to do such sick things. But was he really sick? Maybe these were just the necessary steps in improving himself, something which he sorely needed to do. He wished that the pain would lessen, his throat was beginning to burn every time he put his fingers there. It felt like he was being torn apart from the inside out but there was nothing he could do. He mustn't be fat. He had to be skinny.

Stepping onto the scale, Hyunjin couldn't help but feel nervous. 120lbs. He'd lost 10lbs in a week! He didn't care how much of that was attributed to his medication or how much to his work, he was that much closer to his goal, he could practically taste it. Smiling to himself, he sat on the toilet and rolled down his pants. It was like a ritual, something to remind him of his work. His legs were scattered with wounds, most semi healed but untreated. The deep red gashes stared at him, taunting him. Everytime Hyunjin weighed himself he would do this. He couldn't stop and today was no different. Grabbing a blade, he braced himself for the pleasure that he would feel. The gratifying feeling of relief. It was sickening.

7 cuts for his members, his supposed friends. Another 3 for STAY, they'd been together 3 years now. Looking at the mess he'd made, Hyunjin felt guilty. Just one more, for luck eh? His mind was taunting him now. He brought the blade down to his messy skin and pressed deeply. The relief was so soothing, Hyunjin felt so safe. But it was wrong, so sickeningly wrong. Cleaning up the mess, Hyunjin slipped his pants back up. The fibres rubbed against his fresh wounds, pain taunting him with every movement. He deserved it. It was a reminder to himself of how far he'd come, but also how much work he still had to go.

The members woke up to their late alarms today. They were going to be filming a SKZ code episode in a secret location. The only information they had was that a spare change of clothes would be needed as well as swimming trunks. Hyunjin had already packed his bag the night before, so he used this extra time to workout. After all, he would probably miss being able to do one later. Filming SKZ code wasn't an excuse to be lazy, was it? After he was finished with his workout, Hyunjin threw on a white shirt and some blue skinny jeans. Pairing it with a cardigan and his signature jewellery he felt ready to go, but the members were still clattering about in the kitchen eating breakfast. He had to do his shot too, but that was the least of his worries. Just another reminder of how worthless he is. Once he heard the commotion die down, he stepped out to grab his medication. Felix noticed the older and began to follow him, after all Hyunjin wasn't allowed to do it alone. Sitting down on the sofa, Hyunjin rolled up his sleeve and waited. Felix had noticed how the raven would prefer to have the shot in his arm now, part of him couldn't help but suspect there was a sinister reason for this. Felix began comforting the older as usual whilst he cleaned his arm with the wipe. As Felix drew the medicine in the syringe, Hyunjin couldn't help but wonder what would happen if he stopped taking it. The cumbersome sting met his arm, accompanied by the burning sensation. But he was used to it. It was just another part of the pitiful existence of Hwang Hyunjin. Not even waiting for Felix to finish massaging the area, Hyunjin got up and left. He felt empty.

— 2 HOURS LATER —

The eight boys were standing at the edge of a massive waterpark. Each was being briefed over what was expected of them and they had their usual reminders about maintaining a 'positive idol image'. Whatever that meant... Each had changed into their swimming trunks and they were provided with a shirt by the stylists, after all stayville would go into meltdown at the sight of a shirtless member. After their makeup and hair was done, the boys were sheparded off to the entrance so they could film the first part of the video.

"1,2,3. Step Out, Hello we are Stray Kids!" The boys greeted the camera and gave their widest smiles.

"STAY, we are here at Hero's Soup Waterpark to enjoy some rides!" Chan spoke excitedly at the camera, reading the script flawlessly. "The purpose of today is to have fun and promote our new album... GO LIVE!"

Han and Changbin exchanged smiles and sneakily dropped a spoiler for the choreography for one of their B-side tracks. Laughing nervously, Lee know began to speak. "Changbin, you didn't really make that look easy." The staff stepped in and made the boys stop spoiling the album. SKZ quickly resumed being professionals as the staff brought in a host to explain the rules of today.

"Today's task is simple. You have to go on as many rides as possible, filming your reactions. You will work in teams and each ride is worth a certain amount of points, the team who gets the most points wins. The prize for today... All you can eat buffet at a BBQ grill! " All the boys cheered, except Hyunjin. He hated that prize, but he'd give it all for his partner to win it. The host continued on. "To decide the teams we are going to spin a wheel!" SKZ staff placed a wheel in the middle of the boys and the host, focusing one camera on it to get the perfect shot. "Now who wants to spin for their partner first?" Choruses of me, pick me were heard and eventually it was determined that a rock paper scissors game would be a good decider.

A few aggressive rounds later, the order was determined. The first member to pick would be Han, followed by Hyunjin then Lee Know, Changbin, Chan and Seungmin. Spinning the wheel, the boys started a drumroll which ended in cheers as Han's spin landed on Lee Know. Ironically, neither of the pair could swim and they were both scared of heights. It would certainly make for some interesting content. Hyunjin was up next, he didn't want to be paired with Chan or Changbin as he knew both would be clingy today. Spinning the wheel with a smile, he closed his eyes. Once the boys shuffled in to get a closer look, Hyunjin opened his eyes to see who his partner was.