Five Minutes In Summer

9. Reason For Sanity

"Why can't men cry?"  Forth asked while smirking. 

Beam was very surprised when he greeted and found Forth crying. Not sobbing or sobbing, just his eyes were wet and his gaze was sad. 

Forth even just smiled and wiped his tears calmly, then motioned by patting the chair next to him for Beam to sit down. 

He didn't look nervous or embarrassed because he was caught crying.

He finished the beer in the can and squeezed the can, then reached out his hand towards Beam. 

"Hm?" Beam asked confused. "Come in. It's cold in here and your beautiful skin is starting to turn red from the cold." 

Beam looked away when he heard Forth's words. What is he doing?  Teasing him? Very weird. 

Beam entered followed by Forth, who then closed the glass door and walked to the sofa. 

"Good night, Phi," said Beam as he walked towards the room. 

"Beam," Forth called softly. 

Beam stopped walking and turned to Forth. "Yes, Phi?" 

"Want to accompany me to watch Netflix?" Forth asked. 

Beam's brows furrowed.  "Aren't you sleepy, Phi?" Beam asked in surprise. 

Forth sighed. "I rarely can sleep in weather like this," answered Forth wearily. 

But a moment later he smiled again.  "Go to sleep, Beam. I'll watch for a while and try to sleep."

Beam thought for a moment, then changed direction towards the kitchen.  He opened the refrigerator and took out fruit pudding and a bottle of cold milk, then took them to the sofa, then sat next to Forth. 

"I thought you wanted to sleep," said Forth with raised eyebrows.  "I don't think I'll be able to sleep again quickly either," Beam answered as he sat with his legs folded and pulled up the blanket. "What movie are we going to watch, Phi?" 

"Enola Holmes or The Pale Blue Eye?"  Forth asked. 

"Enola Holmes," said Beam quickly.

Forth chuckled and turned on the television. Beam ate the fruit pudding casually and took a spoonful, then handed it to Forth. 

"You want to, Phi?" 

Forth turned his head and opened his mouth, receiving a bite of pudding from Beam's spoon. 

"How do you know Wayo?" Forth asked while opening a new can of beer. 

"It was just a coincidence. We met at a swimming equipment shop. Meeting here was even more coincidental," said Beam. "And you, Phi, why am I only seeing you now?" 

"I had to solve some problems at the office beforehand. Actually, I wasn't even sure I could come, but Ming was very talkative and Wayo kept calling me," said Forth.

Beam laughed. "You're very close to your cousins." 

"Maybe it's because our ages are not that different from each other and since we were little we often spent time together at our grandparents' house because our parents all worked. Our grandparents' house was the best shelter because we could  eat anything and play anything." 

"Do you come from a big family, Phi?" 

"Yes. I have three older siblings, Wayo has two younger siblings, Ming has two older brothers and a younger sister, just like Lam." 

"How nice it is, to have lots of siblings who can share your love with you." 

Forth turned his head. He saw Beam's eyes fixed on the television, but they were blank and vacant. 

"What about you, Beam?" 

"I'm an only child." 

"Oh, you must be lonely often." 

Beam turned his head and smiled blandly. "I'm used to it. Besides, I have Phana and Kit. We've been friends since elementary school." 

Forth smiled. He reached out and stroked Beam's hair. "Now you have us too, your new friends." 

Beam was shocked by Forth's actions and he spontaneously moved his head away. 

Beam was surprised, feeling warmth creep into his heart because of Forth's touch. 

Since childhood, Beam has been an introvert and doesn't like being touched.  Since Beam was able to remember many things, he often heard and saw his parents arguing.  Even if they don't fight, the house will feel as quiet as a grave. 

Beam doesn't like being touched because every time his mother hugs and kisses him, it's because she's sad, crying, and drunk. 

His father annoys Beam by hitting his legs, flicking his forehead, or pulling his ears. 

For Beam, every touch hurts. However, what Forth did felt different. The man's hands were big and warm. And he feels ... happy.

Forth stared at Beam in the dim light reflecting from the television. Beam's reaction of avoiding his touch, with a surprised look on his face, made Forth remember the cats or dogs he had rescued. 

These poor creatures were neglected, abandoned, and left to their own devices, so that they lost their trust in humans. 

When touched, they will shy away, sometimes even scratching or biting.  Beam reacted like that. 

Forth stretched out his hand. Beam looked at Forth's hand with a confused look. He hesitated for a moment, but then dared to reach out his hand and place it on Forth's hand. 

The differences in their hands are really contrasting, both in size and color. Forth's hands are big, strong, and his skin is an exotic tan color.  Meanwhile, Beam's hands are small and smooth, with skin as white as pearls. 

Forth was stunned for a moment, but then he smiled and closed his hand with Beam's hand in his.

"This is good too," said Forth, smiling and looking at Beam. "You can cry. You can be angry. You can be sad. Don't keep it to yourself, because that will erode your inner self and make your heart hard. It's okay to be emotional for a while, so that your sanity survives." 

Beam looked at Forth's eyes which turned out to be sharp and deep. He felt like he was trapped in it and he was reluctant to let go. 

"Like you did earlier, Phi, crying?" 

"Yes. I have a reason and it keeps me going to stay like this, for my parents, my siblings, and especially for myself." 

Silence. Beam looked at his hand which was in Forth's grasp. For a moment his mind went blank and at that moment, strangely, the sound of the actors' conversation on television was completely inaudible, but he could hear the sound of Forth's breathing and his own breathing. 

Beam looked up and without having time to think, because there was instinct that prompted a quicker reaction, Beam lifted himself up and moved onto Forth's lap, then kissed him.

***