for the rest of the summer break, ria's every waking moment was spent thinking about oscar. even when she was asleep, she thought of him.
"alex, i don't know what to do." she confessed.
"you have two choices. break it all off, or tell him the truth." the older girl advised.
"i don't want to do either." ria frowned.
"then you're gonna be the one to get hurt. you're gonna get attached, you know it, so do i." alex told her sternly. "i think he likes you, though, maybe you should give it a shot."
"no he doesn't." ria denied.
"everyone can see it. he's head over heels for you." alex pointed out.
"then what? a relationship? my job on the line? his job on the line? our reputations?" ria argued.
finally, she came to a conclusion.
***
she had to find the right time and place to tell oscar. unfortunately, she hadn't decided by the time it got to the zandvoort grand prix, when they hadn't spoken since the concert day.
he had texted and called, but she hadn't returned any of them.
on the saturday before race week, the drivers and teams arrived in the netherlands. this gave ria more than enough time to come up with something.
she settled on meeting in a restaurant, away from the public eye, and also so she wouldn't feel the urge to crawl back into his bed again.
messages
oscar🥐
hey
we need to talk.
meet me at the italian
place on the harbour at 12.
what's up?
i'll tell you there.
alr
*seen*
*10:42*
she sat in a booth at the back of the restaurant, far from the windows.
he caught her eye as he walked in, the small bell chiming over the door as it swung open. he smiled over at her. god, how she missed that smile.
"hey." he said, sitting down.
"hi." she smiled.
"so, what did you need to speak to me about?" he asked.
"um, oscar? i can't do this anymore. i can't do us anymore. it's too much. i can't take it." she explained, letting out a breath she hadn't realised she was holding.
"what do you mean?" he questioned, shocked.
"it's nothing to do with you, i promise. i'm just not ready for this. i rushed into it. i'm sorry." her voice quivered as the lump in her throat grew.
"so why do you keep doing it? are you ever gonna be ready? i feel like i've had this conversation with you so many times." he began to get agitated.
"i'm sorry, i-"
"are you really? are you sorry? if you were sorry you wouldn't keep doing this to me." he raised his voice.
"it's just work, and dionne, and everyone." she cried.
"fuck dionne. who gives a shit about what she has to say? what do you want?" he asked.
"i don't know, oscar! i want my job, my reputation, my hard work, but i also want you!" she let out.
"you can have me and your job at the same time! the way you have for the past few months." he sighed exasperatedly.
"i want you, but not like this. not when we have to hide it from everyone. not when i have to be so careful to not be seen with you." she quietened down slightly.
"so make it public. tell everyone about us. i don't care." he told her.
"i care, oscar. you don't get it."
"so then explain it to me!"
"i have! people care more about me in a relationship than they do about you in one. especially with a colleague. did you not see the way people reacted to what happened last time they found out?" she reminded him.
"fuck this. i'm done, ria." he stood up, and walked out.
she stayed there. frozen in time. her brain re-enacting what had just played out in front of her. her mascara trailed down her face in dark, black lines, but she was unphased. all she wanted was for him to turn around and come back.
"fuck." she whispered.
