At least i'm trying- Taylor Swift story

11

11.18.2023
Saturday

Alexa's pov

I woke up to see i was in a room that i recognized as one of travis's guest rooms. I was confused for a second, but then i remembered what happened. The clock said that its 2:30pm.

After laying in bed staring at the ceiling for a few more minutes, i got up and quietly walked out of the room.

"Hey Lex!" said Taylor from the couch as she reached out her arms to me.

"Hi" i said tiredly as i made my way over to her.

I sat down next to her, and cuddled into her embrace. We stayed like that in comfortable silence for a few minutes.

"Honey?" I heard Taylor say.

"Yeah?" i answered quietly.

"Do you think you could eat a little bit right now? Because from what you said yesterday, i think you're probably pretty hungry" she responded.

"Yeah, a little bit" i murmured while looking at the ground.

"Come on then." Tay said before kissing my head and standing up.

I grabbed her hand, and we walked to the kitchen together. I sat at the huge kitchen island as Tay got out a plate, and cut a pear up onto it. She put some sunflower seeds and honey on the side. She knew that this is one of my safe foods.

She also made herself a sandwich, so i don't have to eat alone.

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After about forty minutes of talking to taylor while listening to music, i finished the whole plate.

The distraction worked, but i knew that judging from the size of the pear, it had around 98kcal. I tried to not focus on it but i have the caloric value of certain foods ingrained in my head and i wish i could just un-memorize it, but i can't.

Me and taylor laid back down on the giant, comfortable couch and put on Grey's anatomy. We talked a little bit, but not about anything that happened yesterday.

She saw me making sure that my pointer finger and thumb can still touch when i wrap them around my wrist, and she stopped me by pulling my arms apart and trapping me in a tight, comforting embrace. No words were needed in that moment, i knew what she wordlessly said when she did it, and she knew that i understood.

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We spent the next hour like that, occasionally commenting on the characters actions and choices, and then Travis came home with some groceries and the cats.

"Hey buddy, hey Tay!" he said enthusiastically.

"Hey Trav!" Me and Taylor responded in sync.

Meredith came over to me when she saw me on the couch and demanded some pets.

"Oh no! Meredith, did no one show you any love since i last saw you?" i joked out loud.

The couple laughed, as the other two cats also came up to me. What can i say, i guess the cats just know who to come to when they want attention.

"I got the things you asked for babe" Travis said.

"Thank you baby. Alex, i'm making some chicken with veggies and rice for dinner today" Taylor informed me, looking at my reaction. I knew that there would be dinner, so i wasn't surprised. Tay, once again picked foods that i'm okay with eating, so i just gave her a nod while still mindlessly petting the cats.

Taylor went to make the food while travis sat down on the couch next to me and started telling me a story about something that happened to one of the guys.

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After a while, Tay came back into the living room.

"Dinner's ready!" she said as she came in.

She told Trav that we'll join him in a minute and came over to me.

"Hey, i know you're wrestling with your body image right now, but you still need to eat."

"Come on, you know that it's been a while since you last ate enough food to sustain your body's needs." Tay said while pulling me into a much needed hug.

"I promise you that life is much better without an empty stomach honey."

I grabbed her hand and we went to the kitchen, where travis was just finishing setting the table.

I made myself a plate. I got more food than i normally would. Logically i still knew that i still need more than that, but this is all i can handle for now.

Travis and Taylor didn't say a word about my portion, which i was really thankful for. They know that i want to get better and that i'm trying my best. They just made their portions while starting a completely unrelated conversation.

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By now about half of my plate is gone, but now the two sides of my brain are fighting heavily.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and my eyes began leaking silent tears as i continued slowly making my way through the portion.

"We're proud of you Lexie, you're doing great" Travis said with sincerity in his voice.

I smiled as i heard taylor say a similar thing a moment after.

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After a while i finished eating. They were done by then to, but just sat there and talked, to show me that i'm not doing this alone anymore.

I convinced them to watch supernatural during one of our movie nights, so we decided to continue that series today. We sat on the couch, Taylor in the middle and me and Travis on each of her sides. 

After a few minutes, all i could focus on was calculating the number of calories that i ate during dinner. I knew that my stomach actually has something to digest right now and i hated it. I wanted to stick my fingers down my throat and puke all of it up. I started crying. Silently, but taylor noticed, and seemed to understand, because she pulled me into her embrace and whispered:

"Every single one of those calories is needed in order for your body to work. You're beautiful and you don't need to change anything about yourself."

Travis also seemed to notice, because he pulled both on us into his side so it turned into me being cuddled into both of them.

Once again, i felt safe. Like i belonged and was loved for who i was and not for who i used to or was expected to be . Like i was a part of a family.

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