At least i'm trying- Taylor Swift story

12

11.19.2023
Sunday

Alexa's pov

I was listening to music on my earbuds while i was walking out of what we officially call 'my room' at travis's house. I went past the full length mirror and felt the need to stop.

I was wearing a pair of leggings and an XL in men's size hoodie with only a sports bra underneath. I choose comfort.

I stared at my reflection in all the clothes. Then i pulled up the bottom of the hoodie. I stared at my stomach. It was sticking out. Not as much as it did a few months ago but still. I just stared, slightly turning to see it from the sides.

After a few minutes of hyperfixating on every imperfection that i could find, i felt and saw taylor hug me from behind. I didn't even notice her come up.

"Whatcha doing?" she asked with a soft smile.

"Nothing" i said sadly after getting one of my earbuds out.

"You know that you're beautiful, right?" she asked.

"Mhmm" i hummed.

"Lex, i'm not lying. Eating disorders are deceptive and you don't need to change anything about yourself." she stated.

"I know, but i can't help it when i look at myself for too long." i responded.

"Look at yourself now."

I did. I pulled the hoodie's bottom up again and stared at my stomach.

"You're literally perfect, but tell me what you think is wrong with your body." she said.

"my stomach sticks out" i said quietly.

"That's normal. Every woman's stomach should stick out, that's how our bodies are made." she stated.

"I know that logically, but it's too big, just look at it!" i responded.

She let go of me and stood next to me instead. She pulled up her shirt and told me to look. Her stomach also sticks out probably even more than mine, just like she said but somehow it's not the same.

"But you're literally the definition of flawless. I'm not. My body's scarred, weak and imperfect plus i'm fucked in the head." i stated.

"That's what you say, but my mind used to and sometimes still tells me the same things that you think when you think about your body. I swear they aren't true. If anything your stomach should stick out more honey." she said.

I stared at the mirror for a second.

"i know, it's just hard." i finally responded.

"Now come on, Travis should be done with the food by now." she said before grabbing my hand and leading me to the kitchen.

"Hey buddy!" i heard Travis say as he pulled me into a hug.

I didn't let go of the hug for a while, so Tay joined in, making it a group hug. I needed the comfort. I felt safe and protected. We stayed like that for a few minutes before pulling away.

"Now come on, dinner's ready" Trav said.

He made grilled chicken with mashed potatoes. Not too bad, but it's still calories. We sat at the table and began eating.

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In addition to all yesterday's food, i also ate breakfast this morning and i feel really shitty about it, so now here i am at dinner struggling even more than usual.

I ate a fifth of one of the 2 pieces of chicken on my plate and a forkful of the potatoes. I really don't want anymore, so i'm just sitting here while i try to count all of the calories.

"Sweetie, can you please eat a little more" Taylor asked.

I shook my head as a single tear rolled down my cheek. Tay and Travis were both done with their food by now.

"Come on Lex" taylor said while getting up from her seat and grabbing my hand. She led us into the living room and Trav joined us a moment later with my barely touched plate of food.

We all sat on the couch and Travis leaned back and pulled me into a hug from behind. Taylor cut a piece of chicken and stabbed it onto the fork along with some mashed potatoes.

"Buddy, i know that it's hard, but your body needs food." Trav said.

Taylor put the fork in my hand and guided it into my mouth. I chewed it until it was mush and finally swallowed as they both kept saying reassuring words. We kept going like that until all of the food was gone.

I broke down crying in Travis's arms. Taylor pulled me into her embrace as Trav put his arms around both of us. They told me that i'm strong and that they're proud of me. There was no need for anything else to be said.

When my cries and hyperventilating turned into sobs and quiet whimpers, Travis put on supernatural, knowing i find comfort in the show.

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The three of us were all cuddled together when i felt my phone vibrate. I checked it and saw a TikTok notification saying that i have a few messages from Tina. Neither one of us posts anything, but we send each other a lot of videos.

She sent me a few meme videos which were hilarious. She also sent a theory video about Rep TV, and a video about the struggles of having curly hair, and i had to show those to Taylor. She laughed at the curly hair struggle video, saying that it's relatable and watched the theory video intently and then laughed at it too.

That's pretty much how we spent the rest of the day, just chilling on the couch. The TV was later switched to a sport channel because of a rugby match that Trav wanted to watch, while me and Taylor both scrolled through our TikTok FYP's. We weren't doing anything together but it still felt like we were.

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Hey!

I didn't really know what to write about for this part, because i don't know what it's like to have a supportive family :)

Comment/message me if you have any suggestions and/or opinions, i would love to hear them!

Thank you for being here!

Take care of yourselves <3