Little Doll

Chapter 48: If you love her, let her go

Alec

I have experienced many dark times in my life. I had seen evil both in it's full form and in its many disguises, but never had I felt such sorrow seeing the love of my life barely conscious, drenched in blood and limping towards me looking like a ghost roaming the earth.  

I never wanted this for her. I never wanted her to be used as a pawn to hurt me. I never thought that it could be a possibility. I thought with two of us, she'd be the most protected, the safest girl in the world.

But the dangers were growing and compared to Leon's father, the suffering she went through this time were off the chart.

As the doctor explained all the wounds he found, I just felt sick to my stomach as I stared at Arabella lying asleep on a hospital bed looking nothing like the girl I used to know.

"She will physically recover, I am just not sure if she will truly recover mentally from this. The brain is extremely powerful and trauma can significantly alter our mind and body. I would advise psychiatric evaluation to assess her once she wakes up. Her medical records show extensive history of injury and what I'd consider quite traumatic events. Whatever life this young girl is in, she should really break free from it because if I am honest, it's destroying her".

I looked up at the doctor, shocked by his words.

The doctor excused himself before closing the door behind him. 

Every injury, every trauma, every pain she has suffered was because she is ours. If she had lived a life without us forcing our way into it, she would never be a walking target, she would never have to live her life in fear. She could flourish and be free.

She wouldn't have to spend another fucking minute in a hospital bed.

Guilt consumed me as I looked at her extremely pale skin. I fucking hated hospitals. She shouldn't be connected up with wires, she shouldn't be having medication flushed through her veins making her look death like. 

"This is not the life I wanted for you, doll" I sighed out as I stared at her bruised and bandaged body.

"The truth is, if I knew you would have gone through all this suffering, I would have never pursued you. I would have rescued you in the bar, but left you alone. My selfishness has caused you a life of suffering. All this time, you have been the one to suffer the consequences of our lives. Sorry will never be enough".

Collapsing my head in my hands, I finally broke down. 

After being strong for everyone, I had reached my breaking point. 

Maybe it was the fact that I was the only one who was close to being stable.

Or maybe it was the fact that I did not know of how she'd be when she woke up. With trauma so bad, would she even remember me? Would she want to be with me? And Leon. How can I be fine knowing he could die any day. Leon and Arabella were my family.

And I didn't know the fate of either of them.

Letting the tears fall after holding them back for so long, I felt my body shake as I cried uncontrollably into my hands.

The guilt, the fear and now the living nightmare laying on a bed in front of me.

I made a vow to myself on my wedding day that the next time she'd be in a hospital bed is when she gives birth to our baby.

But I had broken it. I had grown fucking careless and weak. And because of that, I found my wife clinging onto life.

Wiping away my tears, I rested my hand on Arabella's arm and tried to compose my trembling hands as I stroked her soft skin.