"So I take it this is a good sign? You're forgetting me?" I frowned at the slight hopeful tone in her voice.
"No, Ritsy. There is no forgetting you." I stated so she understood it, knowing it was only me reminding myself not to forget about her when in fact there was no need for it.
"You're going to meet her family Ro I think that's pretty clear. You're dressing up." She sighed as she moved in the reflection while I buttoned up my shirt.
l only did so to allow Jaddu to believe it, I honestly wished Virat wouldn't have had a shoot so he could tag along. I doubted he would make it easier on me but he knew Ridhima so he could help and since he didn't know what Jaddu wanted Ridhima and I to be he could just keep things neutral, where as l knew Jaddu would not be doing that.
"I have to pretend like l am, they don't understand." I sighed taking my suit jacket off the hook beside the mirror.
"What if you're the one that doesn't understand?"
I frowned as I stopped and stared at her in the mirror as she sat back on the bed, knowing if I turned she wouldn't be there.
All I would see was an empty bed and she would be gone. I knew it wasn't healthy, whether it was me talking back to her or even acknowledging her there when I knew deep down she wasn't.
But it helped, it hurt a lot but it helped me get through my day somehow...
"You need to listen to them, move on, forget about me. I've been gone for eight years Ro, how do you know I even still love you? What if I married someone? What if I'm in some old town with three kids and I'm happy and you're miserable?"
I felt my jaw clenching as the dark parts of my mind spoke through her. The ones that were roaming with thoughts that everyone was probably thinking about but that I refused to.
"I mean you know me, I just throw myself into things. What if I just didn't want to be stuck reassuring you to no avail and deal with you breaking down. You said I was a mystery but did you ever really want to know about me or was our relationship just about me fulfilling your needs?"
"STOP FUCKING DOING THAT!"
"Why? You should have known it was coming since I'm dead right?"
"What?
"Isn't that what you told that woman who wants to take my place? She has the chocolate brown eyes you love, the beautiful smile and she's helping you get through thinking about me because you want to talk about it so you can slowly forget about me."
If I forgot about Ritika it would mean forgetting the fact that I actually had love. Love for someone who wasn't family, love that was just too much to bare being without. Love that I could feel strongly within me even with her not with me. If I forgot Ritika I would be forgetting the fact that I was capable of loving someone, capable of feeling so deeply for someone who accepted every single part of me.
"She has a boyfrien."
"And if she didn't?"
I closed my eyes breathing slowly in and out seeing my Ritsy. The Ritsy that wasn't trying to turn me against her, the Ritsy that couldn't help but make my day even when we were crying together or groaning about getting through tons of work, preventing us from simply getting lost in each other.
"It wouldn't change a thing. Her eyes aren't yours and her smile isn't yours and I don't fucking love her. I can't be with anyone else because all that I have in my heart is love for you and I don't blame you and I don't resent you. So stop trying to make me because you fucking aren't real, you're just everyone else in my life wanting me to move on and be happy. But guess what, there is no happiness without Ritika in my life, so just don't try and destroy MY RITSY because I am tortured enough with everyone believing they know what's best for me."
